lovely together; I love you

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Hi, I'm dee:). I am dEE.I have a much much longer name but I'll leave it as it is for the sake of internet safety measures. I'd like to believe that I am a princess :)
im crazee over colours&dotts.. i'd like to stand on top of the world and scream! im slightly screwed up. but i cry,laugh,eat,sleep like you. im not an ALIEN. but i often wonder how would that be like :) i love my boyfriend♥ Mr. Leong Chun HOO
i daydream alot.. ALOT.
i'm obsessed with anything colourful and unique. Then again, im a UNIQUE individual
i smoke&drink. yeahh.. deal with it!
i can't roll my tongue BUT i can roll my eyes. :)
I am a certified bubble burster to be.
Ways to contact me:
♥ My tagboard? (duh)
♥ Msn
♥ Facebook
♥ tweetweetwitter
so yeah, what more can i say?

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deniseI

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This blogskin is made by SI PEI and the background is taken from here and lastly, part of the coding is from this skin.

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Sunday, November 22, 2009Y

i love you, oh thank you.

look at how stupid we weree.
YEEESH!

well, i look at myself now.
i can cry.
but i will never get back what i had.
My heart, My happiness,
My self.
yeah..

im not referring to anything abt love.
BUT the love for myself.
My self respect.
ive lost all touch with myself.
ive lost touch looking in the mirror all day.
saying how much im proud of myself.
how much i adore my looks.
how should i make my hair.
will he love me if i did this?.

how i looked out abt my weight& if i could fit in an S.
i could but now im a M/L
sucks huh?
how i would dress when i go out.
if my nails were painted.
if i had enough eye liner on.
which make up suits my face...

now its whatever.
i eat more then i talk.
i worry more then i can think.
i emo more &i cry every other day.
i laugh less.
i sleep more.

i dont care how i look when i go out.
My eye bags are so dark.
my hairs always in a mess.
my skin has bites& bruises.
my face breaks out in rash&acne.
my lips are white and pale.
i dont care if i shower or no.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?!
it all began in COLLEGE!
worse in TRAINING!

guess my weight now..
??
60++
WTF RIGHT?!

:(:(:(:(:(:(

id tell u in a secret
"when i was in highschool, i use to be suicidal.
id love to cut cut..
then my sister&mom found out.
i got the worst councelling& they placed me under supervision for weeks.."

i stopped that shizz. cos it did make me feel better but
it pulled my self esteem down.
i need self motivation!
i need someone to tell me that they are with me forever.
and HELP ME.

i want to go somewhere random,
the zoo, the beach, the park, the where ever.
somewhere to clear my mind.
some where to make me happy.
somewhere i want to be my self AGAIN.

i think i do wanna take the offer.
im gonna go overseas and never come back.
maybe id be happier there?
i cant take it here.

i hear things in my head.
things that sometimes haunts me.

i stare blank at something.
i forget VERY EASILY.

its so unfair.
i want to cry.
if i could cry everyday.
if that would make me feel better.
i would.
if i could be like you.
if i could be as pretty, skinny& likeable as you.
I WOULD.

its so unfair.
why ARE YOU SO UNFAIR.?

use to look damn funny in primary school onwards.
and i made it a point id do all i can to
be gorgeous.
it came out wth great results.
WHY CANT I DO IT AGAIN?
why cant i starve myself again?
why cant i dress like them?
why cant i look good like them?

urgh!
im sick of this shizz.
i cant take it.
i feel very unwanted.
i feel very sad.
i dont belong here.
i dont belong anywhere.

LEAVE ME ALONE.. PLEASE.
I REALLY WANT TO BE LIKE YOU.

8:32:00 PM