lovely together; I love you

Tuesday, September 30, 2008Y

Mood today: fcuked.

My baby officially left@1o.5opm.
arrived in thailand@5am.

im not in the mood.
My heart,body&soul is missing the other half :(

gosh 1wk of no baby.
*sigh*
lets just see how this week goes.
i hope my friday night would cheer me up :)

its pathetic really.
im not welcome in my own home.
i feel awesomely left out.
i feel very EMoooo..

somehow i wish if my mom would allow me to go with baby to thailand.
somehow i wish it was okay.
somehow i wish i didnt feel like im an only child.
somehow i wish i was with him right now.
:(

well, i hope one day i get too.

so signing off with.

Day[s] till my baby comes back: 4days.

10:15:00 AM

Monday, September 29, 2008Y

i dont know whats gotten into me.

"grown up" they said.

im in love with Dj Tiesto, benny benassi, ferry corsten, ATB :)
i feel very free when im listening to them..
i finally found my love :)
techno is THE shit!?

i need something new.
i want a day i can never forget :|
my baby is heading to thailand like in 2-3 hrs time.
funny u say?
midnight roadtrip :P

i can picture myself and my band of trustworthy monkeys.
at the beach somewhere far.
clear blue skys, white sand beaches by day
and by night an area to dance the night away and discover what it really is like to live free
for a week or 2.

urgh.. i need freedom.
everyone at home seems to hate me.
i need my boyfriend.
times like this just makes me want to sleep :(

i watched this japanese movie.
where this thug fell in love with this goodgirl.
it all started from when she lost her phone and he found it.
then they started calling&msging eachother.
they knew it was lovee.
he was so good to her and she was just the sweetest.
he had a jealous ex that kept sending her hate msgs.
one day she got prgenant and everyone seemed so cool abt it
esp the guy..
she had a very bad accident and lost the baby.
they made a promise that on dt day every year
they would come back to the spot where it all happened.
then the following year he started to act strange
and she got worried. he shoved her away..
she tried to move on..
she found a sec love..
but her mind was always with the thug.
one day she met up with his friend
and it seemed he is fighting cancer and may die anytime soon.
she takes good care of him till he passed away...

u have to watch it to cry :)
i know i did..

gosh. feeling of taking dt
pill my friend took and dance the night away.
Pfft!
dammit! i cant see her this holiday.
maybe need it for friday.
weed! :( oh how i long for you :(
shisha im so desperate to smoke u!

hrmm.. okay well whatever lah
im just not lucky :(

9:15:00 PM

Sunday, September 28, 2008Y

let go.

they're just simply irrisistable

*kisskiss*
to the ones i love the most.

*hugs*
to the ones i care abt.

*punch.kick.slap*
GET LOST!
hahhaa

5:28:00 PM

Saturday, September 27, 2008Y

how do u expect me to live alone with just me?

im dead tired.
i want to sleep :D

goodnight world.
you dont make me the least satisfied with you.

while ppl are sleeping and dreaming of their random thoughts.
im awake
just thinking to myself.
why the fuck am i even here?
when ppl are busy working their boring lifeless jobs
im asleep
dreaming of the worst.

i dont make a difference in the world.
if i died.
one less fucked up human being to polute the earth right?

pfft!

"stick with you."

10:39:00 PM

i just dont know how id let you go..

im speechless.
the world is just not agreeing with us.
but then i just couldnt care.

i dont want to care.
ive shut my eyes&ears..
all i can feel is right infront of me.

im gonna be one of the top chefs in the world.
im gonna make it not break it..

emotions?
i dont feel emotions.
im a lifeless-emotionless being

yiks.
this raya is gonna suck.
i just feel very much..
nothing.

10:09:00 PM

Thursday, September 25, 2008Y

am i a bad person?

i do things that is not right but i feel its right?

i make ppl do things they dont want to do
just to make me feel good.

i dont feel safe.
i dont feel good.
i dont feel right.
and i just cant change anything.

i dont know.

i feel i need of self change.
i feel a need of self belonging.
i feel i need someone to love me.

i feel i need to quit smoking.
i feel i need to forget it.
i feel i need to start studying
i feel i need to be good.

i need something that will make me very happy.
i need something that will satisfy me.
i need something that will excite me.

i dont know.
i just feel that whatever i do..
what ever i want ppl to do..
i make them suffer just to satisfy myself.

but when it comes to them
i dont care how they feel or what they want to do.

i guess im just selfish
gosh! if only i could fade away..
and be forgotten.

i wish i was taken seriously.
even so i dont take my life that serious.
i wish i was more than just a pretty face.
i dont want to be just a pretty face.
HECK! I DONT HAVE A PRETTY FACE.

am i a cruel person?
sometimes.
well, most of the time.
i just hate being me!

i feel very much pathetic at this stage.
i dislike the four walls that secures me.
i feel like a loser.

7:25:00 PM

Wednesday, September 24, 2008Y

boy, i wished for better.

some random stupid finger.. i think the guys name is sherman..
L-R: dee,ser,nilu,manpreet.

b4 grad..

HAHA

i feel bad.
its very terrible to hear that your friend likes this guy so much
and turns out not to be what she&you think it is..
i was caught off guard.
i was shocked..

i didnt know what to say.
i didnt know if i shud smile or not.
gosh. to see dt heartbroken look on her face
is just the cherry on top of a ice cream sundae
Pfft! yea right.
its just not fair.

i dont like when such things happen.
pls darls, you got a friend
DONT intro him to me.
esp if he likes u.

but one things for sure.
i thank God ive gotten my
loveable guardian angel by myside.
he may be big&sensitive.
but he is MY kinda guy..

through out my whole life i always had him with me.
when i cudnt decide..
when i wasnt feeling myself.
when i was far worse in doubt.

Supper B comes to the rescue.
he just makes me laugh&cry at the same time.
always there when i need him the most.

i love You benny leong.
always&forever

mom goes on a rampage
saying benny doesnt pamper u enuf.
does he really love u?
why do u always buy him stuff and he doesnt buy you anything.

i jus give her a look and say.
"mommy, he is my bf not ures..
and he is not working but still studying. its fine with me."

and she goes..
but i want him to do all those things for you.
make u happy.
is he nice to you?

" yes he is!!!!! he's my hero!"
i then replied..

whatever it is..

i love my baby VERY MUCH!

7:16:00 PM

Tuesday, September 23, 2008Y

the world is our playground. run around like lil children..
i only see you.
runaway with me.

we be free.

what isit when someone says they love you then they hold someone elses hand?

i dont know what im talking abt.
im stuck in college
waiting for my boyfriend to finish class
and waiting for my own class to start.

hehehe

well,
im living the life now.
im Happy.

"make a wish&blow the dandilions"

HAHA

i want to play word challenge but this stupid computer does not support the system :(

i didnt ask you to ignore her.
and you dont intend to force me to ignore him
but ill do it anyway..

dont ask why.
i love you dts why and you shud know dt!

im bored so heres a story for you..

they fell in love.
well, they knew it was lovee.
the moment their eyes met and he just fell of his chair.
clumsy as it may seem..
its love...

friends adored him.
friends loved her.
they were the "perfect couple"
but then things came to a serious of unfortunate events..

he met in an accident
and she rushed to the hospital..
she stayed at his side no matter what.
she cried every night praying he would wake up from his "deep sleep"
one day, she was asleep..
holding his hand she felt a finger move..

stunned she got up and called the nurse..
the nurse came in and she walked out..
only watching from the window..
she saw the nurse check for heartbeat..
to her suprise..
he sprang up from his deep sleep
and the first thing he shouted was..
"WHERE IS SHE! I NEED HER!"

she runs into the room and tears of joy starts to stream down.
she says "im here.i have been here all along."
he hugs her arm and said
"i was so scared! i couldnt find my way back to you..
i thought you had gone. left me.. but then i heard this sweet beautiful voice
singing to me our song and i new i had to get up.. i could not give up just like dt
i could not leave you baby.. not today.. not ever."

she then sits by his side..
strokes his hair and said
"baby, you know ill never leave you.
even how long i have to wait for you.. i will."

he was let out of the hospital..
and the first place he wanted to go was the park.
she was in a daze..
wondering WHY?!
the doctor said he should go home and rest..

he then tells her he wants to show her something..
he brings her to this tree..
and askes her to take a good look..

to her suprise she sees
" benjamin Loves danielle"
on the bottom carved
"days we've been hapily together."
and small carvings of lines representing each day
they have been together.. 3yrs and still on going.

she runs to him..
hugs him and he gets down on his wobbly knees.
and say
"i loved you then,now&always will.. you have been my bestfriend, my love..
i just knew you were the one the first time i fell off my chair. :) baby, i love you..
would you marry me?"

she Jumps for joy! picks him up and says
"OFCOURSE I WILL SWEETHEART.. i dreamt of this day to come..i love u too."

he slips on a blue crystal ring.
"crystal?" she asks.
"yeah! its rare and very hard to find. like you..and now you&this ring is the only
proof i have of love.." he replied.

he also did mention
that hrs b4 the accident..
he was at his family jeweller
and he gave him this ring and told him to give it to the one he loves..
dts how he got into the accident..
it was a heavy storm that night
and he rushed to give her this ring..
he couldnt wait and he had to propose dt night.

well,
that was that..
love moves in mysterious ways..
we cant see it but we can feel it..

to all those who are still finding their lovee.
dont chang anything abt ureself cos you think..
nobody loves you or ure just too unattractive..
trust me.. someone there is just loving you every min..
and you just have to stick around to see and wait..

*sigh*phew!
tired :)

lastly,

I LOVEE MY BABY BENNY!
:D

12:46:00 PM

Monday, September 22, 2008Y

i can feel your heart&i symphatize.

you would never ask me why..
my heart is so disguised.
i just cant live a lie anymore
i would rather hurt myself
then to ever make u cry..
theres nothing left to say but goodbye.

what isit abt losing the one you love?

i guess im as much of an EMO like her.

11:37:00 AM

"if one day you wake up and find that your missing me&
You heart starts to wonder where on this earth i can be..
then maybe you'll come back to this place that we meet.
You will see me waiting for you.. at the corner of the street."

i feel extra edgy today.
My mood: unexpected.

she knows her man, like only a women can.
PFFT!
yeahyeah.

im setting my goal(s):

chopping off my hair with no regrets.

Lose more weight.
Fuck Anorexia! i dont go that way.

get a job and shut up.

find something productive todo.

start practicing for exam :(
only 1 practical&1theory.

i dont know what to think.
i want out.
i need my SERRA!

you think your loving but you dont love me
i want to be free, baby you've hurt me.

-Duffy-

how can i move on when im still inlove with you.

11:08:00 AM

Sunday, September 21, 2008Y

hello :)

im bored :)

i love MY new layout!
it took hrs know!

hehehehehhehe

well, loads been going on...
i made peace with her.
BUT
that doesnt mean we are friends
PFFT!

i made friends with her friend..
so scary but he seems nice.
i feel he maybe pulling my leg.
stoopid boys!
sometimes us girls cant understand them..

*tisktisk*

i smell fruity!

the few things i need:

New shoes.
a hot haircut.
clothes.
My new phone..
new perfume(bodyshop Rougeberry, Paris hilton, Ralf lauren.)
a job!
sleep :(
SPA!

hrmmm...

"you always thought i was stronger, i may have failed but i loved you from the start."

i need a drink!
i need to smoke.
i need My bestfriends.

things to do:

wait for him
call him
sms him
bother them
sleep

okay so yeah.
im very edgy now..
i want to draw yet i want to go out.
i want to sleep but i want to watch tv.
im hungry but its not dinner time.
ive got a headache but i dont want to take medicine.

i feel bothered.
ive got a dysfunctional family.

i think My brothers Girlfriend is so cute :)
i need to find boyfriends for my Babes.
im up for another round of free korean food.
just dont forget to throw in the Soju kkay?
:) lovee lovee uu.

next up:
sleepovers,shisha&clubbin' adventures with my one and only
SERRA!

Barcelona HERE WE COME!
hello Ser*s window. may i use u?. i need to smoke :D
Dammit! shisha or weed???! shisha or WEED?!!
hahahahha

"IF THATS OKAY WITH YOU?!"

i miss my Marcus :(
stupid boy! you dont call me anymore :(

i miss my Tristie :(
STUPIDER boy! i hate that i love you :)

alrite thats abt it..

going to bother melanie on tuesday
abt "things".

Toodles.i want noodles :)

6:10:00 PM

Tuesday, September 16, 2008Y

im bored.

and u know what
i love my baby VERY MUCH :)

7:43:00 PM

Saturday, September 13, 2008Y

you silly good for nothing..

its pathetic really.

our motto shud be..
"GO GREEN! EAT LOTS OF BEANS!"
hahahhaha

i just thought of dt..

its 10pm
and im a stinky :(
hahaha

ive gotten a lovely shirt frm F.O.S
which says..
"lil miss trouble"
tehehehehe...

i need..
new polkie shoes..
flipflops.
wallet..
new hairdo..
phone :D
and ermmm.. yeah.

i love my baby.
oh yeah.. i do!

my mom started lecturing me abt the facts? of when you are IN love.
hahahhaa

she asked me..
"does he like his new bag?"
i said yes...
she replies " dts good! i want him to treasure it! its not cheap!"
and adds in "why isit we or you always think of the most expensive thing to buy for him
like the shirts..the new bag.. soon to be new shoes.. but i never see him getting you anything?
pls dont be so giving.. and when he is gone.. you'll see..."

PFFT!

i dont know.
sttoopid mom&dad
their menopausing..
so pls excuse their attitude..

:)

10:06:00 PM

Wednesday, September 10, 2008Y

"im walking on sunshine"

i dont know what it is..
i just cant stop smiling..

i sit in the car and think of random things
and i just burst out in laughter
im in my own world now.

the denise's world.
and im so happy init.

no doubt sometimes it just rains..
but then things happen and brightens it up again.

i hope to stay this way.
i dislike it when im stuck in hell
and the devil has gotten me pinned down to the ground
no body can hear me..
and everyone just laughs.

anyway,
yeah
im addicted to word challenge..
hehehheheh

7:37:00 PM

im bored.

guess what..

im watching you!
yes you!
ure every move.

you.. im talking abt you :D

be happy smile :D
you just suck.

9:06:00 AM

Tuesday, September 09, 2008Y

"i dont wanna know."

pfft.

i dont feel so good.

im stuck in the comp lab.

and i dont know.

everyone just left me :(

so okay,

there is this boy right.

i really like him so much.

i have him..

i really love him so much.

but sometimes.

the cruel world tests your patience, sincerity& love?

hahaha.

i dont know.

my head is not inits right place.

anyway,

here's something for you..

there was this boy that loved this girl.

until one day he started ignoring her.

forgetting dates that he shouldnt have..

a week before their 5th yr anniversary

he knocks on her door.

gives her a note and say

"im sorry honey, i loove you but i gtg catch a plane."

so devestated she snatches the note and runs into her room

locked the door&that was it.

she turns on the tv and watches the news.

not even listening to what the news caster was talking abt she hugs her pillow and cry

then suddenly,

something..very..interesting catches her attention.

"this just in..the plane leaving for paris just crash due to a malfunction to the left wing."

oh gosh! she thought to herself!
isnt dt????????????????

she jumps into bed&wraps herself in her cotton blanket..
curses him&cries her self to sleep.
the next day..

she got up.
her head pounding with grief and frustration.
she didnt know where to turn too..

walks into the bathroom
turns on the shower and sits there..
she holds a lil blade in her hand.
looks at it..
and all she could see was
his gorgeous smiling face.
full of hatred to the world
she places it on her wrist..
hands shaking in fear.

she stops....

her conscience*ness.
or was it her boyfriend?
whispered to her.
dont do it.
i may be gone but my heart is with you forever.

she throws the lil blade away.
cries and gets up.

walks into her room..
and the first thing she sees is..

the note or the letter on the side of the bed.
she comfortably sits and reads it.

it said:
"my dear sweet darling,

i am truly sorry for this last minute plan..
it seems my dad got a better job in paris
and the whole family is meant to move there.
i couldnt take the news.. and it was so difficult to tell you.
i just didnt want to see you cry. and i thought by giving you this letter now
would make things better.. but i guess it didnt.
im half way through this letter i can imagine you reading it with tears weld up in your eyes
im so sorry my love.

im very sorry for ignoring you for the past 6mnths.
my head wasnt in its right place.

i love you my love.
very much you see..
i cant stand the thought of leaving you.
it just hurts.
but sometimes the world may not agree with us.
always remember no matter how far i am
or where ill go..
ill always be by your side..
if you stand still and feel the cold breeze pass you by..
ill be right behind you. holding you like i always do.
close your eyes..
and you can hear me whisper "i love you"

darling,
can you remember the day we got together?
you were looking ever so beautiful
in your blue sweater&the white platted skirt i always see you in.
it just brought a glow to you..

remember, it rained so hard
and you loved the rain.
we ran in like lil children
filling the streets with our laughter&love.
remember the first time i said i love you?
yes! under the rain..
and trust me.
i meant it!
if you dont believe me.
then the rain is my witness.

i really got to go my dear.
i love you so very much.
ill try my best to call you when i am in paris.
get use to the language.

ill be back for you my sweet.
please wait for me.
i love you my darling!"

she then drops the letter.
with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

and that was that..

1:24:00 PM

Sunday, September 07, 2008Y

no use in trying when the pieces dont fit anymore..

hello you..
i had the most stoopidest nightmare..
with stoopid IMMATURE girls backstabbing and stuff!
how i hate sluttish pricks!

hmmm...
i dont knoww.
i feel stoopid yet annoyed today.
i HATE YOU!
cant you just fuckin' dissapear?!

of all the boyfriends you can pick on.
why the fuck you pick on mine.
if someone broke ure sluttish heart back then
why wanna take it out on someone else?
wat the fuck is your problem ANGELYNE!
if u like my boyfriend that much..
dont act all shy shy and scared.. tell me straight..
and ill decide for myself what i will do.
stoopid girl!
you're 1yr older then me BUT it doesnt make a difference
cos im HIS GIRLFRIEND!

*sigh*
and you...
wanna know why she pick on you?
2 reasons:
-ure easy..
-you give her the attention she craves for...

yeah..
a friend wouldnt tell another friend she is home already
or where are you&i wanna meet you!
PFFT!

she just reminds me of my sweet sweet friend
CHRISTOPHER Ee
but the difference is i can ignore him
but you cant ignore her.

i ignore all these "stalkers" cos of you&
cos i was scared..
scared of what ppl may think. what you may feel..
yeah and im happier this way.

you can say its nothing..
but its still a competition to me.
i dont wanna lose and i dont wanna regret.
i wanna show dt sluttish BITCH who is benny's girlfriend.
deffi its not her.
so , dont give me your stoopid "i want to smile but i dont like you" look..
ill just laugh at you.
dont complain to my boyfriend abt me..
cos i still wont be nice to u..
untill you DISSAPEAR.
get hit by a bus,car,truck,or ship WHATEVER!
yeah..
so..guess dts abt it..

i hope when you are staying up till 5am..
crying your FUCKIN eyes out
feeling so desperate and wanting to pick on my boyfriend.
FUCK YOU! i hope someone robs your fuckin' hse and fuckin' rape you..

he say u look like jessica alba?
puhleez..
dont insult her.
she dont even look half of jessica alba.
she is just one FUGLY sluttish BOYFRIENDSTEALER.
FUCK YOU ANGELYNE!
i wont stop till you dissapear.

10:44:00 AM

Thursday, September 04, 2008Y

goodbye you...

FRUSTRATION!
I LOVEE MY BENNY!
SO FUCK YOU!
SLUTTISH BITCH!

have a fuckin' nice day. thank you. :)

6:50:00 PM

Wednesday, September 03, 2008Y

all over again..

just like the first time you touch my skin..
all over again..

hmmmm..
im finally in love once again.
You dont know how it feels when u have been so lost&insecure for months..
and finally i am back on track..
out of the stoopid cave ivee been hiding in..

i hope it stays this way..
i like it this way..
but if only You would GET LOST..
tehehehehe..
sluttish prick.
i dont even know you.
cos you are nobody to me.
so dont look at me when you passing by and give me your "i want to smile but i dont like you"
look.. yeah..
so just disperse&dissapear.
cos well, we all are happier to have one less sluttish fugly silly girl.
thank you!

in the words of my very good friend..
"oi! there goes ure fake pink crocs bestfriend.
pfft! as usual desperate and craves for attention."
i love you!!! you just make me smile whenever you say such a thing....

sakit hati or not..
if you say yes..
ill just laugh at you and walk away.
YES! WALK AWAY!
:)

gtgss..
i met bens friends gf.
she is just the sweetest
so cute :)

7:25:00 PM

Tuesday, September 02, 2008Y

you never know what you got till what you got is gone...

hello! im back.

im so tired..
i hate KDU!
but i love it there..

i miss by bestfriends
and i need them!
i need TO TELL THEM THINGS!
GOSSIPS! OVER A STOOPID BOY! AND A SLUTTIE FISHIE!

8:57:00 PM