lovely together; I love you

Friday, October 30, 2009Y

baby are you down.down.down.down.down..

i am down with the flu :(
bad sore throat :(

9:58:00 PM

Wednesday, October 28, 2009Y

Havent met you yet.

Next week sat is my babys event
imma go..
7AM?? hahaa.
gotta tell my chef to change my off day to sat..

well, cos
i feel im not so very supportive..

so imma try and go! :)

10:50:00 PM

Tuesday, October 27, 2009Y

do you want to start all this again?

imma not want to talk..

My brother is finally in a relationship with her.
thats the happening thing today :)
thats why imma leave you behind and be happy..

hahaha..

stop stalking me please?

9:46:00 PM

Sunday, October 25, 2009Y

WHAT THE MOTHER F ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?

urgh! you are so annoying!

get out of my life..

HELP MS.KOH&MR.TAN!

ANOTHER PEST!
HELP ME GET RID OF IT PLS!

10:23:00 PM

Everyone says i lost alot of weight compared to when i first came to nikko..

HHAHAHA...

thats good but not good enough..

i made it a point and i hope i will..

imma making sure..
immma eat right, less& healthy!.
ill quit smoking or be a social smoker*uhhum!*
or FUCK THE QUITING! JUST EXERCISE! HAHAH

imma make suree ill jog evry morning and night?
if possible.
i need to see much improvement..
imma heading to be not bones.
but i want to fit into a size S..
Imma M now..
i want S..

i think to my self.
i want to start putting make up..
IMMA try..
but i wonder how would i look?

MY bro's gf has a WONDERFUL fashion sense..
GORGEOUS!
hahaha...

IMMA need to go shopping.
buy clothes, shoes, accessories..
I NEED!
hahahhaha

imma shopaholic..
id die without shopping. :)

hahahha...

okay okay..

im just making sure id have a great and healthy lifee.. :)

5:11:00 PM

i think im fallin' for you..

AKON IS STAYING AT NIKKO HOTEL!
OMGOSH! IMMA FAINT!!! :) :)

im tired and sleepy..

urgh!
HE IS MINE !
REMEMBER THAT OKAY?
THANKS.

4:49:00 PM

Saturday, October 24, 2009Y

that 4hrs with you that night was the happiest moment for me.

serious it was.
i wish it didnt end..

hrmm..
now back to reality.

im so sick and tired.

i just dont know..
know whats up in that lil head of mine?
hate&jealousy..

urgh!
My cousin jo.
is much more lucky then me..
My bestfriend.
is much more lucky then me.
My boyfriend.
is much more lucky then me.

why isit like that!

why MUST I GO THRU THIS SHIT WHEN I DIDNT DO ANYTHING!
i wished you just LET GO OFF ME!

I want to walk in and out of the house freely and come home when i please.
i hate this..
i am bloody 18..
pls!

even how much i cry and beg.
you wouldnt understand..
even how much i hurt myself..
you wouldnt understand..

HOW I FEEL!
YOU TELL ME EVERYDAY TO DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE.
TO GO EXPERIENCE, ENJOY MY LIFE.
BUT HOW CAN I WHEN YOU ARE BREATHING DOWN MY BACK.

HOW CAN I WHEN YOU HAVE GOTTEN ME STRAPPED DOWN TO MY SEAT!

THIS IS NOT FAIR..

WHAT DIDNT I DO?
IM SORRY IF I DIDNT STUDY WELL.
IM SORRY FOR THE HARMLESS MISTAKES I DID IN THE PAST.
IM SORRY FOR NOT LISTENING TO YOU..
BUT I ASSURE YOU IM NOT LIKE THAT ANYMORE.

WHEN HAVE I NOT ONCE DISOBEYED YOU TELLING ME WHERE TO GO AND WHAT TTIME TO COMEHOME.

everything i do..
is to just to make you happy.
EVEN IF IM NOT HAPPY.
EVEN IF IM SUFFERING FOR IT!
I JUST WANTED TO MAKE YOU HAPPY..

BUT I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
I CANT TAKE THIS LIFE.
IM TOO OVER PROTECTED.
I FEEL SO BAD FOR MYSELF.
I FEEL SO ANGRY..

I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHY!
WHY ISIT LIKE THAT?

BECAUSE I LOOK VERY DIFFERENT FROM THE REST!?
I WISH I DIDNT!
I WISH I LOOKED ORDINARY..
SO I COULD SAVE YOU THE TROUBLE AND WORRY..

I CAN SCREAM, SHOUT, THROW TANTRUM BUT NOTHING WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND.
I CAN CRY, HURT MYSELF BUT NOTHING WILL CHANGE YOUR MIND..

ALL I ASK IS TO LET ME GO!
PLEASE..

I PROMISE ILL BE GOOD.

I PROMISE ILL BE GOOD.

I PROMISE ILL BE GOOD.

love,
denise.

6:04:00 PM

Thursday, October 22, 2009Y

im gonna miss you,
but ive gotta get a move on with my life..
its time to be a big girl now,
and big girls dont cry.

MR ISAAC& MS SERRA..
WHERE ARE YOU!?

I NEED YOU THE MOST!
MY BESTEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD.
NO ONE CAN COMPARE TO THEM.

I MISS THEM SO MUCH!
SO MUCH!
AND I NEED THEM! I REALLY NEED THEM!

4:06:00 PM

im single and ready to mingle :)

4:00:00 PM

you will always be my baby..

i hope you know, this has nothing to do with you.
its personal.
with myself and i.

why?
you will know why sooner or later.

my mom says im very screwed up.
she is telling me that id only realize when he takes me for granted.
and she is saying that its not worth anything..

urgh!
why is things so screwed up!
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!
YOU DONT WANT ME TO B WITH HIM ANYMORE.

should i make you happy ?

urgh!
okay fuck this.

i DONT NEED THIS SHIT ANYMORE!

3:34:00 PM

Tuesday, October 20, 2009Y

"if you leave me tonight,
ill wake up alone.
dont tell me i will make it on my own,
dont leave me tonight.
this heart of stone will sink till it dies,
if you leave me tonight."

dont you know my heart is pumping,
its putting out the fire.
thinking everything is alright..

eh hello!

goodnight.
ive got nothing to tell you.
goodnight..

10:20:00 PM

sometimes i get to think..

will you be with someone else?
how will that be?

will i be able to face the fact?

i dont like that..
i get threatened most of the time
cos i think someone is gonna take my place.
but even better..

i get scared that im gonna get my third phase of
karma.

but i didnt do anything wrong.
he did!
why did i get the karma.

i wouldnt feel easy even if im told everyday..
until i have settledown..
then i believe that the someone is mine.
yeah..

thats how i work..
thats how i put it..

when you are young and in love..
love is not so true YET!
cos everyday there is a selection of choices..
if the love is not true..
one of the choices are your replacements.
if the love is..
forever and ever i say...

arguements are a VERY bad issue..
it tends to ruin relationships rather then working things out..
which depends.
cos one day you are just gonna get so sick of it
and walk off..
You dont need this shit..
you are not commited YET!
but if you got the patience and work things out..
that is how much you love the person and is willing to do anything to keep that person
not selfishly but with an open mind and heart..

there is a certain stage in a relationship which is to the point where everything starts to get harder.
sacrifices need to be made, love needs to be taken to the next level..
understanding and LOTS OF PATIENCE is needed..
a true TEST for the both of you..

if you fail this test..
its sad but a good experience to endure.
if you succeed,
maybe it wasnt lust or pupplove after all..

"love is patient,
and kind, it is not jealous
or conceited or proud;
love is not ill mannered
or selfish or irritable;
love does not keep a
record of wrongs;
love is not happy with evil
but happy with the truth.
love never gives up;
and its faith, hope and patience
neve fail."
-1 corinthians 13: 4-7-

so true..
i hope my love will never fail..
i hope.
i need to believe everything is okay..
im very scared..
of everything..

i cant lose him.
neither am i good at fighting for him..

12:49:00 AM

ive decided to be self-obsessed for a while cos my blog seems so boring.

see how beautiful this is..

hi urgh!!! yeah i decided to be self obsessed..
but not like you bitch.
i dont pose every sec.
i dont wear make up
and fake eye lashes.

yeah..
i just have random shots of mybestfriends&i.

like you do have?
fuck off thanks!

well, went to kdu today.
felt safe..

went breakfast with benny and his friend.
it was okay lah.
nothing much.

then Mr. isaac tan comes.
chat chat..

waited for princess Serra then..
went to sunway..
MORE TALKING!

LOTS TO CATCH UP WITH THEM.
like 3mnths im gone and im flooded with problems..
ahahahhaha....

i love them lah! seriously...

then ser needed to go back coll cos got class.. sent her
and met isaac in tropicana mall.
first time going there.
kinda impressed...

yeah..
sat in starbucks and talk some more.
had a serious talk going home..

then yeah.. thats abt it..

i missed my 2 best friends.
all i need is them and im fine!
they make me laugh&smile&scream&shout&be myself.

honestly, i dont have a big gang but i have a few close friends
that ill never let go...

never..
yeah..

SERRA KOH YEN LI..
ISAAC TAN ENG WAN..
RHEA MARIESE PEREIRA..
DIONG SIEW YEN, TAMMY..
LEE SUYIN..
ASHWENI CAROLINE LUQUES..
JUSTIN LEE..
BENNY LEONG..

yeah the only people that understand me, i hope.

i love them lots!
:) hrmmmm....

today i have been told alot of things..
given alot of advices from the both of them..

thanks you two monkeys.
i appreciate it ALOT!

ill think abt what you said..
ill try to make more time for the both of you..
serra, i can meet you anytime b4 u go aussie.
IM COMING WITH YOU! REMEMBER THAT!
I JUST NEED TO GET WHAT I WANNA STUDY OR WORK AS STRAIGHTENED OUT..

Isaac, You might be leaving to switz in jan.
PLS DONT GO! but yeah ill try to make even more time for you...

so okay,
thats about it.

im so jealous of you..
im sorry but i am..

i wish i could be like that...

langkawi trip next yr..
planning..
i want to go alone actually...

my dad told me to leave my boyfriend behind..
since he always left me when he went to holidays....

i wouldnt do that..
im not that bad.
unless i have no choice..

yeah.
okay?

hahahahhahaa...
urgh! stress stress!
i like my blog.
thanks!

12:00:00 AM

Sunday, October 18, 2009Y

day 4&1/2 without you..

"i know you cant stay. so i wont be waiting, anticipating for the fall."

dont mind the stupid picture.
hahahahaha

goodmorning,

well your home so i dont need to update abt my day.
okay.

good night.

i love,missed you.

6:11:00 PM

Saturday, October 17, 2009Y

what am i to do?

i dont fit anywhere near you..
i start to think to myself. its just like we are not 1 but 2.. yeah.
dont hate me for thinking like that. cos its just me..

i dont know who is talking.

isit pms or isit me denise urgh! i dont belong together with you in your life. i only belong in your seperate life. but its okay with me. cos then again. i dont have to try so hard. i dont want to.. changed you too much.. uve turned into someone. i adore but i dont know anymore. this is a stupid post. i just dont know what to do anymore...

monday im going coll to see my friends.
cos i really miss them. and i need them.
specifically..
3 of em.
but 1 of em is too busy with her own life.
ive got others but i wanna see the two of them.
i miss them so much! so so very much!
URGH! IM SO LIFELESS..

I MISS YOU SERRA KOH YEN LI, ISAAC TAN ENG WAN AND RHEA MARIESE PERIERA.
i miss tammy, dian, ash..

I MISS ALL OF YOU SO MUCH! SO SO SO MUCH! :(

7:12:00 PM

day 3 without you...

goodmorning baby,

was late for work today..
workworkwork.

got home..
eat.. now online..

goodafternoon baby..

goodnight baby.

im sorry i have nothing to tell you..
nothing interesting..
plus imma so lazy to write a whole grandmother story of my day.
yes i did it for 2 days.

besides you are coming home tumoro..
so yeah..

alrite..
i miss,love you.

how are you?
fine?
GOod.
:)

btw, im so sorry but
happy anniversary.
yes i admit i forgot...
i forgot abt it all day..
i only realized it 2 mins ago when everything i saw was
17..

im sorry baby.
i love u.

6:14:00 PM

Friday, October 16, 2009Y

day 2 without you...

goodmorning baby,
i woke up at 6.30 was so late
but managed to reach at 6.58.
hahahha

got dressed and had my usual
1cig.
went straight up to the nikko lounge.
IT WAS DEAD THERE!
ONLY 4GUESTS PLUS THE DIRECTORS OF NIKKO HOTEL.
urgh!

i walked arnd and arnd...
i noticed that one of the managers were watching PORN! WTF RIGHT?!

so yeah.
cleared up.
went down to eat...

then back up to work..
2.55 i was done with everything.
got dressed.
left and waited for dad a while..

went home then had lunch
and a nap..
ahhahahhaha

its pouring so heavily here..
grrrawwrr!

i love you..
i miss you...

take care.

btw, how are you?
hope u doing okay?
have u eaten?

hahaha..
so lame..

okay
10.54 now,
goodnight baby..

and your cafe is fine.
doing great..
im neglecting mine cos im taking care of ures.
imma goona close down my cafe soon..
so lazy..

9:06:00 PM

Thursday, October 15, 2009Y

i see you online.

i thought someone was playing a cruel joke on me.

im happy!

10:45:00 PM

Day 1 without you..

"stay close, dont go."

hey baby,
good morning.
a total update from morning till night..

i woke up early,
i went to work at abt 6.30am..
i thought i was gonna be late..
on the way smsing you..

i miss you already baby.
well, reached nikko.
got dressed and had my 1 morning cig.
which im getting worried.
it hurts now when i inhale..
cough alot.

went to the coffeehse.
EMPTY! TOTALLY!
hahahha...
then up to nikko lounge.
LAGI EMPTY!
guests starts coming at errrmmm...
8-9.. hahaha..
but only like 1 or 2 lah.

clear the lounge and eat at the same time.
hahaha...
went down to have lunch..
EAT SOMEMORE!
hahaha..
smoked with SITI.
she was so stressed so i tooked her to the Sz.
everyone was shocked to see her there cos
as far as they know she dont smoke hahhaa..

went back to the kitchen..
me and wei kuan had things to do..
go up down up down.
2nd flr urgh!
then Chef asked us to help malay kitchen.
today last day of hari raya or something..
so had to help prepare satay&other food for
1000++ pax.

OMGOSH!
haha.
then rushed home with wei kuan.
dad was waiting for me.. sweating like crazy in the car.
then we buy food..
got home, eat then sleep.
so tired.
woke up at 8pm.
shower.
but i had trouble breathing.
very pain!
coughing like mad.
how? how?
im scared lah.

so now is 9.35pm
waiting for ure food to finish cooking..
then i set up for u...
then make more food for u.
no worries baby.
ill take care of ure cafe..

i wonder how are u doin?
this is the first time i have not spoken to you all day..
nvm i know u are fine.
eaten well and all that..
i miss you darling.

pls take care okay.
i worry.

i love you baby,
goodnight.

8:50:00 PM

Wednesday, October 14, 2009Y

two hearts are better then one.

im feeling bitchy.

go die lah idiot.

btw, imma miss u baby.
pls take care...

11:40:00 PM

Monday, October 12, 2009Y

"i feel lonely every single day of my life."

"cos i dont wanna make the same mistakes again, i dont wanna fall back down on my face again."

hei!
im tired..
i wanna go to bed though.

im gonna be alone for 4days...
cos my other is going out on a trip.
:)
everyday i think to myself.
i DONT wnt him to go.
i dont know why...

urgh!
pls keep him safe..
please!
thank You.

"one moment its love, next thing you know its a battlefield."

hrm, im confused.
i really dont know why.
i feel like im being cheated off something.
but im just tired and cranky..
anything goes thru that small brain of mine..

okay goodnight. i cnt take this.

9:14:00 PM

Sunday, October 11, 2009Y

"things that i miss."
its time for me to go..

dont miss me...
ill come back someday.

Saturday is public holiday!
hahaha...
i think might be going out somewhere then :)

ermm..
im so bored and tired.
i want to cry haha..

tumoro work at 7am :)

okay. goodnight.

11:23:00 PM

Friday, October 09, 2009Y

"that's all part of the list, things that i miss."

greetings!
from the anonymous Girlfriend.
yeeeks :)

i looked through lots of pictures of the past.
Old pictures lah.

i feel sad.
i miss MY friends.
i MISS EVERYTHING!

:(

eh wth lah you?
can you stop appearing.??!
im not invisible know.

lots of events ive been thru ups and downs.
highs&lows?

ive felt anger,happiness, sadness, jealousy, hate.
yeah.

i have smiled when i was with you.
i have cried when we fought.
i have gotten jealous over stupid things.
i have hated the wrong ppl for the wrong reasons.

i have experienced a road trip outta civilization.
i have had a perfect birthday for the first time.
i experienced a sweet valentines..
i have played truant atleast many times :)

i have not been very honest with myself.
i have not been a good person.
i have let go everything that i use to do b4.
i have stopped caring abt myself&what i do.
cos i just cant seem too.

thats where my parents come in.
thats where they start worrying.
everyday is a..
"why dont u wanna care for ureself? why do you do this to yourself.?"
i just have no time& im so tired okay?

besides nobody does care abt how i look right?
yeah. so just leave me alone.
if i dont wanna sleep early..its me.
if i dont wanna eat alot..its me.
if i dont wanna dress nice..its me.
if i dont wanna smile.. LET ME BE!

i dont fit anywhere at work.
i dont fit with the chinese because i cant speak Mandarin or Canton'
they give me this look and tell me YOU SHOULD LEARN!
like imma useless.
i dont fit in with the malays
cos I CANT SPEAK.
and they make fun of me.
i dont fit in with the girls cos it seems they all have an issue with me.
ppl only talk to me cos i look like a foreigner.
ppl only talk to me cos i got a pretty face.
ppl only talk to me cos they think they will get popular seen with me.

sad really,
i hate this!
i feel sad at work.
they all ask me to smile.
but im always alone.
2more months i need to get thru this.
i dont blame God for any of this.
its all me. my fault!
uselss being, takes up space in the world.

why lah?
i watched this chinese movie abt some stupid couples&cheating.
its so lame.
they cry over nothing!
and their bf ran off with someone else.
urgh!

i tell you ah.
i may be one of em.
but i try to think not.
i dont mind.
i can share..
but just dont see me anymore lah.
hahahha..

okay imma go.
eyes are heavy.
goodnight.

9:33:00 PM

Thursday, October 08, 2009Y

HAPPY BIRTHDAY eye-c4ndy!

YOU ARE OFFICIALLY 3YRS OLD :)

9:48:00 PM

"there is only one happiness in life,to love and be loved.....nw im filled with happiness!!!....thx baby"
-benny leong (march o7')-

try to take a picture of love,
didnt think id miss him that much.
i wanna fill this new frame,
but its empty?

maybe we're trying, trying too hard.
maybe we're torn apart?

idk. but i love you..

"you always know how to make me smile, laugh& be happy. I LOVE YOU BB!"
-denise woon(march o7')-

6:44:00 PM

"the best thing abt to night is that we're not fighting."

hey, im back cos ive got nothing better to talk abt .
works a bitch!
the Training manager is THE bitch!
AHAHAH.

im dead tired everyday.
coffeehouse is interesting
i had a bad accident yesterday.
i slipped and fell,
my knee and thigh is bruised!

ermerm..
there is this awkward tradition
in Nikko..
when trainees have their last day.
all the staff will chase the trainee arnd
with flr,water,eggs,stock,sauce,etc..
whatever they can find.
and throw it at em.
this month is the oct batch turn.
mine is the dec batch.
uhoh!
hahaha
but imma join this food/water fight :)
hahahah

why do u think im always upset?
*sigh*
and again. here we go?

pfft..

anyway, ermm..
i wanna go tenji!
i wanna go look out point.
i wanna go genting!
i wanna go to the beach!

someone bring me! hahhahahaha

i want an iphone too.
preeease!
someone buy for me.

:)

imjealousofu.
u so lucky!
gorgeous.
and everything.

ta... imma go.
my cafe sucks is calling out for me :)

5:14:00 PM

Wednesday, October 07, 2009Y

i feel some what left out.

idk why.

im so jealous of you.
can you just go away.
thank you..

i wanna be just like you.
im trying too..
i wish i could.

1:32:00 AM

meet me half way.

on the 8th of october 2006.
eye-c4ndy.blogspot.com was born..

created to put in feelings and let them out.
somehow to make an ex-boyfriend stealer..
who turned out to be a good friend.
to SHUT THE FUCK UP!

anyhoo.

im kinda bored with work.
same routine EVRYDAY FOR 1 MNNTH!
mmm...
its drawing closer to the end..
im getting slighlty worried.
cos im gonna suffer in a "foreign kitchen"
for 1mnth the last and final month.

yeah.
so my moods been pretty much screwed.
up and down. up and down.
im tired.

and ive been constantly been getting sick alot.

i just realized how much i dislike someone..
whom i liked for yrs.
sounds awkward?
mmmhmm..
it just got to me.
and i dont want part of that persons life anymore.

okay i guess thats it..

sat is birthday celebration for my sister.
happy birthday NANA.

happy belated bday to JON&PRASHANTI.

good night.:)

12:51:00 AM

Monday, October 05, 2009Y

i was browsing thru the newspapers at work and i saw this..

someone pls bring me there?
You?YOu?you? thank you?? :)

btw, im home sick.
work is so tiring.
i miss having a life.
lucky you.
im jealous.
hahahaha

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8:16:00 AM