lovely together; I love you

Friday, February 29, 2008Y

hey!!thats not fair!

i feel really sick today.
my head is spining
my vision is so blur.
i dont know what is going on..

i told mom abt bens birthday..
and she said "nvm its okay, just wish him its good enuf."
Like wtf!!!!!!
im his gf for God sakes! i shud be doing something special for him..
gosh! at this point i feel really sad!

to top it off the wrong song started playingg..
and it made me feel worse!

Okay, do u wanna know something..
i miss my boyfriend so much!
yes, i do see him but not always!
not being able to be with him just stresses me out!
we do call eachother but then our convos get really angry
and i just feel even moree worse..

i went to pavilion
and i just got upset..

i dont know...

i just miss you thats all..
sorry i cant make it for your birthday baby.
i really wish i cud go coll and be with you..
but then things come up.
no transport to coll..
im so so sorry baby.

8:53:00 PM

Thursday, February 28, 2008Y

"But now there's nowhere to hide, since you pushed my love aside
I'm not in my head, hopelessly devoted to you."

haiyo..
no presentation today.
i hate kdu..lecturers!

"Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe it"
-Maroon5-

i just found out something.
i feel bad cos my good friend is hurting?
i dont know.. i hope not..

what should you study?

Your Learning Style: Practical and Cooperative
You like to test out what you learn, and you excel when you can jump right in and try something.You Should Study:DentistryEnvironmental ScienceFashion MerchandisingInterior DesignInternational StudiesMarketingMedicineMusicNursingCriminal JusticePhysical Therapy

these are the things i wanted to be :(
haiyo...
hahahhaa

appreciation
-you never know what you got till what you got is gone-

"so here i go scream my lungs out& try to get to you,
You are my only one.
i let go, theres just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only one."

honestly, i do not have any song that suits me at the moment..
i just listen to music cos i just need relaxation?
hahahhaha

5:59:00 PM

Wednesday, February 27, 2008Y

angel of mine.

yikes!my new lovely song!!!
hehehehe..
angel of mine by monica.
its old but so lovely.

dang!
i think lifes stooopid.
i have no direction as for now.
i dont feel so good
and im just very lazy..

im counting the months till its dec again.
i feel sad..
very sad.
i dont know why..

i listen to sappy love songs
and fall in love to the beats&lyrics.
well, just fall in love..
lame huh?
but i likee :D

"i don't know what id do..
baby, if i lost you.
i know its more than love.
baby, i can feel it
when i'm close to you.
i know its more than love.
baby, do you?"

7:23:00 PM

Tuesday, February 26, 2008Y

i still feel all alone, i just want to go home.

coll is gradually getting okay.
yep, just an okay.

i chit chatted with my smelly monkey..
Rhea :D hahahha..
missed her loads.
seems she and ed been having probs.
dont worry.. i have probs too :(

next week is my babys birthday.
aiya! got loads to do?errr...
hahahhahahhaha...
not sure if i wanna go lunch or dinner?
maybe i want breakfast. hahahahaha

i heard mid terms are next week
and next week is bens bday :(
aiya!

i feel songless..
i need music.
i am listening to music now..
but i dont know.. it doesnt feel right..

my comp crashed!all my songs are in theree.
someone resync'd my ipod..
all my songs gt erased!
gosh! i dont know noww.. ahhaha
the only thing i got is my fonee.

im addicted to slow sentimental songs.
i think im growing older now.
hehehhehehe
in 3mnths time im turning 17. :D
and again it makes no difference..
the world wont change but the ppl will..

1yr is just 2odays away.
yikes! (if u know what i mean)

"Every time I close my eyes
I thank the lord that I've got you
And you've got me too
And every time I think of it
I pinch myself cuz I don't believe it's true
That someone like you loves me too"

till then :D

8:06:00 PM

Monday, February 25, 2008Y

this is the story of a girl, who cried a river& drowned the whole world.

My comp crashed so wont be blogging for a while..or maybe just once in a while.

im sad.
i dont know why.
i dont know what to do.
i feel lost, i feel very alone. i feel.. indifferent.

"dont waste your time on me, You're already a voice inside my head."

-i miss you-

8:40:00 PM

Friday, February 22, 2008Y

Our days are numbered.

"baby, its not to late. Its never too late."

okay its 12am and i cant sleep.
i can feel my body slowing down by the day.
i can feel my head emptying by the minute.

she looked up at the sky and said
"God! if you are really listening Pleez grant me one wish..
i wish i have no Emotions! that way i wont hurt the people i love&i wont make an enemy out of someone."

i just finished part of my assignment..
and ive got 3 more to go..
coll will start in 8hrs time
and ive got 8hrs to decide whether or not i wud want to go..

i was being "stalked" by Nigerian guys..
it was scary :(
thanks to me good friends
they just looked and never came back.
"yes, tristan u on speed dial#1&yes mel u on#2."
gosh! these ppl ah..

i need to get alot of things off my chest.
but then again..no point.
nobody will listen.
(i know u will ser puahahah! will u? ): )
haha..
im getting fedup of lots of things..
i just wanna walk aimlessly in a shopping mall..
a place where i feel secure. like someone holding on to me..
looking back, ive made many stoopid decisions..
im so lost that i want someone to decide for me.
i really want someone to wake me up
and tell me to "get a grip!"
but then again i just want someone to hold me&cry with me..
even how well you plan something, it always turns out the wrong way.

im counting my days in coll..
im counting the days till i get my certificate&leave..
im counting the days till i go aussie&never look back again.
im just counting the days till(i hope) things wud be fine..

ive decided to bake a really beautiful cake for myself on my birthday.
maybe just bake the whole day..
i dont think i wud go on with the sunway plan cos.. it wont end up the way i want it too.
(ser u wont be free on my birthday. So, ill celebrate it when you are free.)
im turning 17 and it doesnt make any difference.
the world will not change but the people will..
My birthday is in 3 mnths time
(just a reminder)

"Friends listen to what you say,
bestfriends listen to what you dont say."

oh btw,
i havent really seen him this whole week. but its okay he's busy.. i understand.

this blog is too personal..
letting it go wud be very hard..
its like losing the one you love..
i want to go watch a movie..
but i cant. ive been skipping too many classes..
and its not good.
maybe this sat i wud..dt is if my sister goes to her in laws hse..
a loner movie.. hahaha.
i havent seen sweeny todd yet..
and i was going all gaga over it. now, im gonna be the last to watch it.

they were taking about their girlfriends
guy#1 pointed at his girl&said "Thats my girl, my baby."
Guy#2 embarassed to show guy#1 his girlfriend
that he pointed at his bestgirlfriend
and said "thats not my girlfriend but she will be someday."

btw,
this post is not EMO..
whoever does say its emo.
leave!

its 1am &i feel like running now.
i was scolded by my mom just cos i didnt want to eat..
i just dont get it..
i dont get anything anymoree..
i want to run&run as fast as i can..
i want to collapse on the ground with a smile on my face..
knowing that i did something right for myself for once..
"i have no self-respect." i lied. i just wanted to know what your reaction would be..
and now i know things aren't getting lovely anymore..

"with lots of love and care, a seed grows into something beautiful&dies when its forgotten."
i remember this thing.. somebody wrote this to me..i cant remember. i think its nilu :D

i have more to write but i just cant think..
some of you might just not care how i feel or is too annoyed with me&my feelings..
nevermind.. there are ppl out there who are doing the same thing back to you..
some of you pretend to care
nevermind too.. there are ppl out there who are doing the same thing back to you..
&some of you are with me through out ever silly problem i face&ever silly feeling that you so sick about but still hug me when i need it.
i love you.. you know i do.
(ser! stop blushing or smiling or crying!)
HAHAHA

so i guess thats about it..
till we meet again.
:D

(If this is too emo for you or gets you upset pls just shut it! i dont wanna hear it)
*ser!im talking about you! hahahhaa. chesthair! hope to bump into him again&hopefully you pick up
ure cacat fone!*
hehe

12:40:00 AM

Wednesday, February 20, 2008Y

what to say?

"Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late "

i love nicholas saputra!
he's the man! hehehhe...

im not getting happier by the day.
im just getting moree upset?
im just bored of everything!

my patience have been tested..
and i dont know what to do..
i dont know what is right..
i dont know what im doing wrong or is it wrong?
i dont know..

maybe its not meant to be like dt..
maybe im just too caught up..
maybe im just thinking too much..
maybe, i dont know..

haiyo..
only my bestie knows how i feel.
i dont know what i do without her.
Hehehe :D

oh well, whatever ive got exams coming soon..
i cant think so much..

we were thinking of baking a cake next month.
now im thinking twicee.
i dont think i shud.
it wont be appreciated.
Pfft...ill just buy it. it didnt come from me..
'just bought by me.

2:16:00 PM

Tuesday, February 19, 2008Y

Freedom?Fuck it! i cant careless anymore.

"I clench my fist,grind my teeth,bite my lips,hold my tears&learn to let it go."

i havent been blogging for awhile now.
lots of things to write about but i just forgot..

You really wanna know hows my valentines day!?
YOU REALLY DO?!
fuck it!
i just got nothing to say..

assignments is piling up& im just relaxing..
im dead tired.
stayed in coll til 2.3o
&got questioned about it..
stoopid!
i feel like going home at 12 from now on..
im just really bored of coll..
well, everything!

i admit.
i MISS highschool..
i atleast have activity there.
gosh! in coll its studystudy&no play..
when got time to hangout..
its always 1u&curve..
WTF!! i rather go to klcc.midvalley.G.E or that futsal place my bro goes
or galaxy.. atleast i have choices..
Pfft!.. whatever.. its part of growing up anyway.

everyone has gone out&im home taking care of the baby..
mm i need alone time.. :D

"losing you is like living in a world with no air."
-jordin sparks-

i think this is so untrue..
woops sorry..ppl dont care what i think..

im just so angry now.
i dont know why.

im just gonna drown my anger in music&fast food.
somehow i just dont feel amused&im not excited for anything..
im dead.inside but outside i fake a huge smile.
i clearly do not have a life but i don't care.

3:58:00 PM

Thursday, February 14, 2008Y

long long overdue.

today was boring..
so tired.. didnt do much..
just hanged around :D

stoopid lecturer made me do somee stoopid role play in front of the class.
i dont acknowledge it cos it Sucked.

errr..
okay i guess thats about it:D

4:24:00 PM

Monday, February 11, 2008Y

"if you were to live till 1oo..
i wud live till 1oo minus 1
so i wouldn't live a day without you."

9:54:00 PM

im all about lyrics today.
"Oh fuck!, its pay back time."

"Please dont worry abt me im fine, trust when i say. that ill be okay
Go on boy, ill be fine."

den,ed,rhea&ser :D

"You sing the words but don't know what it means."

im bored :(
going to genting soon.
yep! im forced to go..
but everyone is so lazy :(
so now i dont know.

YAY!
i planned my 18th birthday already :D
i want my 17th birthday in sunway
&my 18th in Genting :D
HAHAHAHA.

"this is how i roll."

denben <3>

i love you :D
this first guy in my life that im
so Gaga about..
Usually i wouldn't careless..
but this Sexy has gotten me
"head over heels" for..
Or is it "heels over head?"
i really dont know what would i do without my love
"thank you! thank you! thank you baby."
HAHAHAH
Yesterday was the first or sec?
time ive gone so panic-ky..
haiyo :( i couldnt sleep&i didnt eat..
stoopid thoughts running thru my "peanut sized brain?"

"thanks ser! for calming me down&helping me out :D Ure the best :D you&rhea both.. Love yah!"

and it seems he was okay..
just very busy as what ser said.
Gosh! i feel so foolish :D

"its a lil silly, its love."
HAHAHA

after tumoro..
Vday is just 1 day away :D
AWW.. love, love, love :D

"Boy you got me so in love with you, ill never leave your side. push me away.. i wont go."

she told him "lets run away together, just you&me."
he said "okay"
they ran as fast as they can.
he stopped half way&said "Im sorry my love, you go on. i love you but i just cant."
he gave her a kiss on the forehead&heads back.
she couldn't believe her eyes.
"so much for forever, asshole."
she runs&is never heard of again.

sad huh?
i just thought of it..
*shrieks like an idiot*
HAHA
its just a story.. doesnt mean a thing.

i miss you baby,
ill be seeing you tumoro..
i know you reading this&smiling..or maybe crying?
i dont know..
dont worry about your dad love.
nothings gonna happen to you.

"i love you, my baby Benny."

-forever&ever babe-

11:28:00 AM

Sunday, February 10, 2008Y

A girlfriends worse nightmare.

"Her boyfriends phone off or out of battery."

im suppose to blog&put pics of rhea&sue's CNY party.
but im a lil too lazy right now.
but yesterday was good :D
i dont mind doing another "yesterday" again.

"ser!ser! stout&beer.. you like? lets buy!"
hahahhahahhaha

i miss my baby :D
seeing him yesterday
really put a huge smile on my face.
1wk no see him man!
HAHAHHA.

i dont know what happened to him.
he said he was gonna call me this morning.
i waited..
its 7 already.
still no call..
what happened to him?!
urgh..
i dont like this.
i get very "panicky"
when its like this..

i hope everything is fine..
im not leaving my phone alone.
im just gonna wait..
and wait until he DOES call :(

hrm..valentines is coming up.
what is gonna happen..?
i havent bought my baby any V-day gift!.
i gota to buy! i got to!
i remember last Vday..
i spent it with my besties..
giving them "kisses" HAHAH.
and PANDORI! LEEE ! ah! i miss him
but this year ive got a "simple kind of lovely?"
to spend it with hehehhe.
cant wait! cant wait!

plus a few days later will be
our 11th month together :D
YAY!

hehehehe...
so fast 1 yr will pass..
and it seems like 1o yrs. HAHAHA

i love you, my baby benny.

7:12:00 PM

Friday, February 08, 2008Y

Oh!joyful!joyful...blah blah
shut the fuck up :(

i miss my BOYFRIEND!
there! you happy now..
i said it..
yes! i miss him.

i havent seen him in 1wk
&im like this..

imagine..
1yr..
i cant, i seriously cant!

its the second day of cny
and im totally not in the mood.
i collected 24o bucks.
and im gonna get somemore..
later&tumoro.

id like to take this blog space to apologize:

baby, im sorry.
i didnt mean all the things i said to you.
i never mean all the bad things i say to you.
its just, i dont know. somehow i dont feel
so right. and i dont mean anything between us.
but i just feel silly. im sorry baby, im so sorry baby..
i love you so much!
i cant wait to see u tumoro.
yep! finally i get to see you.
i love you.

"what would it take to see you standing at my front gate,
smiling right back at me."

i feel lost.
i do not talk to anyone&no one talks to me.

i need.. someone, anyone
who wud just listen to me,
hold me tight&assure me EVERYTHING will be alright.

you know what i need.
sleep&i need YOU!
i really do need you!

"17 march is drawing near and i cant wait. its our first year baby& i love you for every lil silly thing you've done for me. thank you." :D

i love you.

3:05:00 PM

Thursday, February 07, 2008Y

a new layout for you.

evry blogskin now is all about valentines day.
urgh!

7:30:00 PM

i just got up and felt like blogging :D

"somebody!, anybody!? can u hear me?
i need you, please just pretend to need me too."

HAHAHAHA..

Happy cny fuckers!
i collected 9obucks.
frm sis.parents.family in law..
:D

"teardrops on my guitar."
so sad.. :(

6:36:00 PM

happy CNY idiots!

"You cut me open&i keep bleeding love."

its 1o on a cny morning.
and i feel like going back to sleep.
ive got my first ang pau.. frm my family in law..
and its only 2o bucks! hahahahhaha..
nvm :D

:D going to have a cny breakfast..
then going to bed. :D

i had a dream
i was at a school play with my besties.
&wins was there..
some "chemistry" going on with him&ser
(i know ull read this and go gaga!)
at first it was just me sitting there..
then later ser&rhea&edwin came..
then wins joined in..
hahahahhaa.

i had a sec dream..
cant remember what happen
but it was sad?okay?mean?
i dont know..
i just cant remember..
hahahaha...

i had a third dream.
i skipped class..
and i was running away from my lecturer.
and ser was sitting at kdu sqre
waiting for me :D
HAHHAHAHAHHAHAH
what a dream ...

(ser!why do i keep dreaming of u !)
puahahahaahahaah....

i think thats it..

10:35:00 AM

Wednesday, February 06, 2008Y

eww :D

i burnt my fingers.
nothing much..
have been sleeping the whole day :D
hahahahhaha.

well, only until 4..
em..
tumoro is cny
and ehh.. i dont celebrate it.
im only in for the ang pau..

was suppose to go pavilion.
but ..
things doesnt go as planned.
whatever!
like i give a shit..
wait.!
i do!! puahahahha.

evryone is going out for reunion dinners.
ben,ser,mel,tristan,neo,justin blah blah...
cant remember who..
and im stuck home.
mom cooking beef with rice.
tumoro uncles coming for cny..
for 2hrs only then they're leaving..
so much for "family".
errr...

i think me going to bed early..
ive got nothing to look forward to
but to sleep :D
hahaha..

i think im sick..
sleeping always is not good.
and its very wrong.
i dont usually sleep in the afternoons.
hmm.. nvm.. im sure its nothing.

yikes :D

i need someone :D
if you're out there..
all i need is just your company
and a hug? if thats okay with you?

10:34:00 AM

Tuesday, February 05, 2008Y

i need someone.

8:35:00 PM

oh gosh :D

the dude with the mohawk in the video
whine up by kat de luna
is so Hot! :D
hehehehhehe..

"its just a lil crush.. on the mohawk :D"
hahha

1:26:00 PM

"Everything's effed up straight from the heart, tell me what do you do when it all
falls apart?."

"i gotta pick myself up where do i start? cos i can't turn to you when it all falls apart"

"everyone hears what you say,
friends listens to what you say,
best friends listen to what you dont say."

hrrrmm :(

i really dont know whats going on .
im losing my patience.
ive been sleeping alot lately.
and its very unhealthy :(

i want to go shopping.
but im trapped at home .
im waiting patiently for saturday.
my "day-off"
urgh! i hate this.

i had a weird dream.
i was in a room..
the walls were painted black
there were no windows
the only light that was shining through was from the little crack under the door.
i was sitting in one corner crying
when the door flung open.
ben, my besties&parents were standing by the door
and just laughing at me.

yep. then i when i woke up.

ive got nothing to do now.
i think im just gonna go sleep just to kill time.
so if i sleep now.
ill get up by 3 or 4.
yes! half the day gonee.

you dont have to do anything for me.
you dont even have to understand me.
just be there.

lets just not say anything.
lets just not care.
its me against the world.
and the world is winning.

12:44:00 PM

Monday, February 04, 2008Y

shut your mouth! you don't make me happy.

this is the beginning..
the beginning of the stooopid
CNY HOLIDAYS!
gawd! actually, i was looking forward to this holiday.
but at this point..
i know its so fast.. i really want to go back to coll...

"im not comparing you.."
blah blah blah..
shut the fuck up!
i dont care!
i dont give a shit.. whos friends kids
are so "family oriented"
i dont care!
dont tell me my friends are like that..
You DONT KNOW THEM THE WAY I DO!

gosh! im suffering..
and i really dont know what to do..
i want out..
but it seems when i want out..
they keep me more in.
its very hard to fake a smile infront of them.
pretend everything is alright..
its very hard to listen to all the bullshit
and is not allowed to say anything about it.

i really need someone .

btw,
ser! i read ure blog.
yep! i know i havee u :D
hahahha
cant wait for Saturday :(
birthday outing with my besties..
for my bestie :D
gosh! i love them.
missing them like hell..
HAHHAHAHA.

and also..
susu's cny party :D
i think it will be okay.

6:10:00 PM

Sunday, February 03, 2008Y

its my party& i'll cry if i want to.

i want this cake for me birthday :D
Polka polka :D hahaha..

i will be celebrating my birthday in sunway lagoon?
dry&wet park.
"wet"park! hahhahahhahahaha.
but i dont know ....
this march it seems that they might not go.
well, 1 of them..
argh! why cant they just leave me in peace!
what the hell is wrong with them!
they complain they cant go on a holi
when giiven the opportunity.
they dont want!
FUCK THEM!
JUST LEAVE ALREADY :(

yesterday, mom was lecturing me abt
"boyfriend"
WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WRONG NOW?
why is it so wrong to have a boyfriend?
well, why is it so wrong to love someone&want to be with them the whole day?
WHAT IS SO FUCKIN' WRONG WITH THAT?!
why is it such a problem to all of you.

as far as i know,
my cousins have been getting knocked up&living in regret
BUT that doesnt stop the younger ones to have a boyfriend
and BE HAPPY!
my aunt was telling me abt my cousin.
and her boyfriend
whom seems to be okay with them
and is like part of their family..
my cousins mom got knocked up when she was young...
but she doesnt stop her daughter from
having someone..
please, come on. what is so wrong?

Frustration

i know my limits.
i just want to spend my time with him.
i rarely get to see him& when i do its just for a short while.
its not LIKE I WANT TO GET MARRIED OR ANYTHING.
people around me are allowed to spend their time together.
allowed to go out&enjoy themselves..
i cant
and why?
BECAUSE IT SEEMS ITS SO WRONG!!!!!!
haiyo.. why why why?!!!!

i honestly dont know what to do.
am i to cry.scream or just throw tantrums?

i guess not seeing him evryday&not spending time with him
is the right thing to do.
if it is then there's no point to have him!

but
i dont give
FUCK WHAT YOU SAY!
he is my boyfriend&this is my life..
i do not live in someone else's mistakes or shadows.
i think for myself&do not need you to think for me.
thanks!

you tell me i dont have a social life...
i dont know how to be independant
because you dont FUCKIN' let me!

dont blame me for not being the person you want me to be.
blame yourself.. cos its all your mistakes!

this valentines
im going to my family in laws hse for baby full moon thingy.
WHAT THE FUCKIN' HELL! VALENTINES!
i dont know whats gonna happen on valentines.
but all i want is to be with my boyfriend!
MY BOYFRIEND!
is it so hard to ask!
is IT!!!
i really dont know.
evryone is driving me nuts!

i am stuck at home
taking care of my nephew..
yes, it seems like im the mother!
fuck!why?!
when i wanna go somewhere
they say "stay home and help take care of the baby."
omgosh!
this baby, got a set of parents
why must it be me who help take care!
WHY ME!

i HATE THIS!
I HATE EVRYONE!

CANT YOU ALL JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE!
FUCK YOU ALL!
FUCK YOU!!!!!

give me ROOM TO BREATHE!
PLEASE!!! IM CHOKING
and your too busy trying to be "holy&perfect" to realize!
can somebody just save me?
save me from this nightmare
that i call family&home!
:(

5:26:00 PM