lovely together; I love you

Monday, November 30, 2009Y

"i nak tidur! tapi, i mesti blog dulu. yeeesh!"
addiction.

My Obsession! nikee shoes!
RM300++

"must we take photos together to prove to you ppl that we are together!
leave me alone.. i know what i am doing.
pictures dont mean anything.
its how we live day by day.."

11:15:00 PM

"its the most wonderful time of the year.."
-frank sinatra-

IVE GAINED BLOODLY 6PNDS IN 4MNTHS!
WHAT THE MOTHER F!

:(

ive got a month left.
i cant help but think abt all the things i wanna do.
the places i want to go.
to eat ahhh!!!

hahahahahhaa..
i wanna go shopping,
to the beach, to the jungle,
i wanna go somewhere i have not been b4.
i wanna go eat sushi, good food, steak!
ice cream!

but im so freaking fat now :(
its so sad..
i really need to lose weight.
haish!

7:39:00 PM

Friday, November 27, 2009Y

urgh! i cant take this..

know what..
YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF EVERYTHING.
YES! IT IS YOUR FAULT!

IM ASHAMED TO CALL U MY "FLESH&BLOOD"
I HAVE TAKEN IN ALL THE BULLSHIT YOU MADE ME DO.
YOU SAID TO ME, RESTRICTED ME, I HAVE HELD IN ALL I FELT FOR YOU.
I BACKED U UP WHEN THEY SAID YOU WERE WRONG.
I HAVE BEEN THERE WHEN U HATED HIM THE MOST..

I HAVE LET YOU STEP ON ME.
I HAVE LET YOU CHILDREN STEP ON ME.

U DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I HAVE PUT ASIDE BECAUSE OF YOU.
BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID TO PISS YOU OFF, AFRAID YOU WILL NOT TALK TO ME.

WHAT THE FUCK I GET!???

NOW IM NOT GONNA DO THAT ANYMORE.
YOU HAVE PUSHED ME ARND TOO MUCH..

WHEN U FEEL TIRED WHO IS THE ONE TAKING CARE OF THE CHILDREN?
WHEN YOU ARE LAZY TO WALK UP WHO IS THE ONE WHO WALKS UP TO MAKE MILK OR CHANGE THEM.?
WHEN YOU ARE GOING OUT WHO IS THE ONE WHO CHEERS THEM UP WHEN THEY CRY?
WHEN YOU COME HOME LATE WHO IS THE ONE HELPING MOM TAKE CARE OF YOUR GOD DAMN CHILDREN?!

ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THATS ABSOFUCKINLUTLY RITE!
ME!

IM SO SICK OF THIS..
GIVE MY MOM A BREAK.
GIVE MY DAD A BREAK!
WE ARE NOT YOU SERVANTS.
YES YOU WORK BUT ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!!!

I WANT YOU OUT OF MY HSE!
COS YOU ARE JUST MAKING EVERYTHING WORSE!

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!!

YES! I DONT HAVE YOU ANYMORE.
IM THE OLDEST NOW.
I WILL TAKE CARE OF MOM&DAD
I WILL TAKE CARE OF JON TOO...

GET LOST& FUCK OFF!
GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!

IF YOUR HUSBAND IS THE PROBLEM.
HIRE SOMEONE TO TEACH HIM A LESSON.
IF NOT FUCKIN' DIVORCE HIM!
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
URE JUST MAKING IT HARD FOR ALL OF US.

ITS BEEN 2YRS NOW.
GET THE FUCK ON WITH YOUR FUCKED UP FUCKING LIFE!

YOU RUINED MY LIFE.
HIS&HERS&THEIRS..

YOU ARE SO FUCKIN' STOOPID!
DONT TRY TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT.
YOU WONT GET ANYWHERE ANYMORE!

DONT FUCKIN' SAY YOU ARE NOT EMMBARASSED WHEN U SEE URE FRIENDS.
MOST OF URE FRIENDS DONT KNOW URE MARRIED WITH 2 KIDS.
I REMEMBER I SAW THAT EMBARASSMENT IN YOUR FACE WHEN YOU THOUGHT URE FRIEND WOULD BE ARND AND ONE OF YOUR FRIEND SO HAPPEN TO BE THERE...

BUT I STUCK UP FOR YOU AND SAID..
"I DONT MIND TO SAY THOSE ARE MY CHILDREN NOT YOURS."
I WAS WILLING TO HELP YOU.
IM NOT SCARED!

BUT YOU JUST TOOK ME FOR GRANTED
AND THIS IS THE LAST.

I CAN IGNORE YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
FUCK I CARE!

I WISH I CAN SHOW YOU HOW MUCH OF A FRUSTRATION I HAVE.
YEAH MOM & DAD ARE SICK..
BE CAUSE OF YOU! NOT ME.
I DO GO OUT BUT WHEN IM HOME I DO THE BEST I FUCKING CAN OKAY?!
EVERY DAY ID FEEL SO SAD.
I GET JEALOUS OF OTHERS BECAUSE OF YOU.
I LET GO OF MYSELF BECAUSE OF YOU.
EVERYTHING THAT I DONT DO ANYMORE IS BECAUSE OF YOU!!!
EVERYTIME I WISH FOR A BETTER TUMORO.
I WISHED I COULD TURN BACK TIME.
EVEN IF IT MEANS NOT SEEING MY NEPHEWS..
I KNOW I WILL BE SEEING THEM IN THE NEAR FUTURE NOT NOW.
URGH!!! I JUST GOT NOTHING TO SAY ANYMORE.
I LOOK AT YOU IN DISGUST.
WHEN YOU TAKE CARE OF THEM & FALL ASLEEP
WHILE THEY CRY UNTILL THEIR LUNGS CANT TAKE IT.
WHEN YOU DONT CHANGE THEIR DIAPER FOR 6HRS STRAIGHT.
WHEN U CAN LIE THAT U FED THEM BUT DIDNT..
WHEN U WHINE WHEN U DONT WANT TO MAKE THEM MILK.

WTF?! I KNOW U DIDNT ASK FOR THIS
BUT PLS! ITS YOUR RESPONSIBLITY
WORK IT OUT!
WE WONT HELP U FOREVER U KNOW.
SOON IVE GOT TO WORK TOO..

IVE GOT MY OWN LIFE.

I HATE YOU!

9:26:00 PM

"try this on straightjacket feeling."

i wan bday cake like this..

or this..

My stupid brother.
FAMILY :)

all i ever thought you'd be.
but today im fine without you.
run away this time without uu..

Im holding on By letting go of you..

its near the end of my training.
end of the yr..

next yr.
its time to Move on..
Grow up..
i guess.

im setting a goal..
i think?
TO QUIT SMOKING AGAIN!
hahahhahaha..

but as u all know.
i cant do it.
hahahaha

eeeesh..
im bored.
thanks god i didnt go last night.
i wasnt in the mood.
i was lazy :)

bye bye .

1:28:00 PM

Thursday, November 26, 2009Y

Pernah Muda- Bunga C. Lestari.

Gingerbread MADNESS!
hehehhehe

im so awake now but yet im very the asleepy hahhaa..

if only eyebags and dark circles were like dirt..
can rub off.
then i wouldnt have much of a problem.

if fats were like butter.
ill stay in the heat till it all melts hahaha.
HAHHA

well, ermm...
hahahhaa nothing mucho though...

NEW MOON IS OUT DY!
I WANNA WATCH ...
yeeeh!

hahahahhaa

ending with..

Kecewa- Bunga C. Lestari

10:43:00 PM

Wednesday, November 25, 2009Y

i never know i needed..

urgh! whats wrong with u ppl?
yeah.. you've got the wrong person..
trying to ruin my relationship isit?
hate me isit??

stop spreading something u dont know
stop saying u saw me!
i wasnt there..
i dont know my seniors!
i dont CHEAT!

why will i hurt someone. cheat on them
when i was hurt and cheated b4.
please.. YEAH YOU DONT KNOW.
YOU DONT KNOW ME
IM NOT A BAD PERSON I DONT DO SO..
i dont let other ppl feel what i felt.
i dont wanna hurt my bestfriend.
becos i LOVE HIM.
okay okay? FUCK OFF.

stop spreading something thats not TRUE!
lie abt me ONCE AGAIN..
ill find you.
ILL CUT U!
FCUKIN' PPL!
GET A LIFE.
thanks.

pfft!

so i need to spend time with my family.
THEY HATE ME FOR WHAT IVE BECOME.
sad..
i want to cry again..

im happy outside.
VERY HAPPY.
but deep inside im hurting.
ALOT!

im so confused!
i dont know what to do?
what do u want me to do?
cool it???

okay FINE.
FOR YOU ILL TELL HIM
TO SEE ME LESS.

IM SORRY.
i will not disobey you anymore.

10:16:00 PM

Tuesday, November 24, 2009Y

"i try to make myself believe,
that planet earth turns slowly.."

heee :DD:DDDD:DDDDDDD

i watched a movie today with
BENNY LEONG.
*GASP!*

hahahhahaa..
yeah, MY BOYFRIEND!
i love you..
stop reading my blog.

phsycoo blogger stalker.. :)

2012..
awesome movie. but scary..

i enjoyed today.
talking abt random things.
laughing..
emoing&laughing.hahahhaa
smoking, drinking tea..
laughing somemore.

havent laughed this hard since.
yest? i think hahaha...

sorry abt my emmoo-ing.
im just a jealous childish 18yr old..
rambling abt unwanted runts.
hahhahaha...

make me happy everyday!
flowers?
chocolates?= FAT! ahahhaha
nono im kidding.

works pretty hectic.

i like shoes, pretty shoes& skinny pants.
i like long shirts& off-shoulder tops.
i like shorts& high waisted skirts.
i like casual dresses..
and i want black colour aviators!
cannot find..
i like kelly's beanie?! hehehehe

SSHOOOOOO FLY DONT BOTHER ME!

i like victoria secret and body shop.

i like strawberries&cream.
:) THANKS GRACE!
hahaha

i like charm braceletts& big ear rings..

i dont wear an "engagement ring,"
so does that make me taken but available?
hahahha NO!
my benny will kill me!

i want my iphone quick !
yeesh!

hahhaa.
sorry im so happy.
i cant contain it.
imma abt to explode...
hahaha

workwork!
christmas cookies& cheese cake.
yuck! im sick of it.

hahahhaa..
i get bullied by the demi chef..
but i bully him back :)
hehhee

okay...
imma sleep now.
this blog is only for private readers.

NATALIA BABY!
IS MY SEXY LIL SIS!
I LOVE HER MUCH!
I MISS HER MUCH!

YEESH!
STOP MESSING WITH HER
CAN?!

THANKS.

12:07:00 AM

Sunday, November 22, 2009Y

i love you, oh thank you.

look at how stupid we weree.
YEEESH!

well, i look at myself now.
i can cry.
but i will never get back what i had.
My heart, My happiness,
My self.
yeah..

im not referring to anything abt love.
BUT the love for myself.
My self respect.
ive lost all touch with myself.
ive lost touch looking in the mirror all day.
saying how much im proud of myself.
how much i adore my looks.
how should i make my hair.
will he love me if i did this?.

how i looked out abt my weight& if i could fit in an S.
i could but now im a M/L
sucks huh?
how i would dress when i go out.
if my nails were painted.
if i had enough eye liner on.
which make up suits my face...

now its whatever.
i eat more then i talk.
i worry more then i can think.
i emo more &i cry every other day.
i laugh less.
i sleep more.

i dont care how i look when i go out.
My eye bags are so dark.
my hairs always in a mess.
my skin has bites& bruises.
my face breaks out in rash&acne.
my lips are white and pale.
i dont care if i shower or no.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?!
it all began in COLLEGE!
worse in TRAINING!

guess my weight now..
??
60++
WTF RIGHT?!

:(:(:(:(:(:(

id tell u in a secret
"when i was in highschool, i use to be suicidal.
id love to cut cut..
then my sister&mom found out.
i got the worst councelling& they placed me under supervision for weeks.."

i stopped that shizz. cos it did make me feel better but
it pulled my self esteem down.
i need self motivation!
i need someone to tell me that they are with me forever.
and HELP ME.

i want to go somewhere random,
the zoo, the beach, the park, the where ever.
somewhere to clear my mind.
some where to make me happy.
somewhere i want to be my self AGAIN.

i think i do wanna take the offer.
im gonna go overseas and never come back.
maybe id be happier there?
i cant take it here.

i hear things in my head.
things that sometimes haunts me.

i stare blank at something.
i forget VERY EASILY.

its so unfair.
i want to cry.
if i could cry everyday.
if that would make me feel better.
i would.
if i could be like you.
if i could be as pretty, skinny& likeable as you.
I WOULD.

its so unfair.
why ARE YOU SO UNFAIR.?

use to look damn funny in primary school onwards.
and i made it a point id do all i can to
be gorgeous.
it came out wth great results.
WHY CANT I DO IT AGAIN?
why cant i starve myself again?
why cant i dress like them?
why cant i look good like them?

urgh!
im sick of this shizz.
i cant take it.
i feel very unwanted.
i feel very sad.
i dont belong here.
i dont belong anywhere.

LEAVE ME ALONE.. PLEASE.
I REALLY WANT TO BE LIKE YOU.

8:32:00 PM

Saturday, November 21, 2009Y

K.will Feat Mc Mong - Love 119 :)

its a saturday morning.
i might be heading out.
maybe to watch movie or just hang out for 1/2 hr..
then go home.
how sad yeah?

Mom is sick.
dad got drunk the lastnight.
fell face first into the road.
so scary!
i just wonder how did he get home??
he has bruises on his face.
elbow& knee.
WTF?!
but im glad he is home safe
:)

how fast the time is going huh?
its near dec already
hahaha..

ive got healthy food to eat now.
strawberries with cream and yoghurt!
YUM!
imma lose 8kgs b4 the end of this yr.

10:53:00 AM

Friday, November 20, 2009Y

Air on G string- Bach..

i really want to be like you.
adored by ppl like you.
said im very pretty&feel very pretty like you.
i want to smile like you.

i wish i was very much like you.

9:03:00 PM

Wednesday, November 18, 2009Y

i want to be like you..

i want to lose weight and be very skinny just like you! :(

8:14:00 PM

Sunday, November 15, 2009Y

"nothing else i can say."

hey! im back with a new layout.
just problems with the tagboard.
yeesh!
i dunno how.
help?

another one of my neighbour got married.
mmm.. i dont want to get married.
cos i dont want to be controlled.
and i dont want to be like her!
im so tired and bored.
bought a new purse frm Forever21 :D
new shop to start going to..
Cotton ON.
it has similar clothes to forever21.
next shopping trip..
december 1st-31st.

registered for my iphone.
need to finalize everything.
getting it in 1mnths time :(
yeesh! wait that long..
haha

im in the relaxed mood.
imma watch 2012 with
Mr. Isaac tan.
:)

today was a rough day.
i felt safe in church.
sunway was so packed.

skipped work..
dunno if should do again..
yeeee :(

FUCKING HR!
FUCK YOU!
NIKKO HOTEL SUCKS!
BUT THE PPL DONT!
I WANT MY RM20 REFUND!
TAKE THE FUCKING LOCKER KEY BACK.
IMMA DUPLICATE IT! :)
i think im gonna leave a mark in nikko hotel.
so im always remembered :)
ehhehehe

good night :)

11:04:00 PM

Friday, November 13, 2009Y

"if your not the one.."

hey, its denise :D

im back.. tumoro is an off day.
YEAH!
well, im dead tired.
was suppose to go to watch 2012..
but my dad killed the mood.
YEEEEEESSH!

lets see,
im dead bored of pastry!
its so boring.
seriously..
but in away makes u proud to see that you've
created something out of NOTHING.
hahaha..
alot of creativity involved.

ive got a mnth left in nikko.
YAY!
but i feel sad cos im gonna miss all of them. :(

hrm.. what else?
yee! i wish i was like you.
tall and sexy?
hahaha...

evrytime i see the pics.
i wish i can be like you.
so lucky.
everyone loves you.
everyone is your friend.

i want to look pretty like you..
its stupid cos i had a "thing"
and now i wnt to be like that person.
hahaha...

i miss so many ppl now.
i miss so many ppl!

including :
benny leong, serra koh, isaac tan, tammy yen, Kaye leong, rhea mariese, kelly su mei, ash luques,
natalia soon francia, Lee suyin, laarnia Rajandran..
yeee.. the ppl i miss the most :(

hmph!
come on
1more month..
next month Chinese kitchen..
how am i gonna survive therE?
i dunno. :(
"denise!, you can do it! dont give up! 1 mnths and ure free :)"

i need to think whats the next step..
but then again. dont think too forward..
one step at a time. :D

10:52:00 PM

Monday, November 09, 2009Y

everything i cant be, is everything you should be.

i cant hardly recognize myself in the mirror any more.
ive got eyebags the size of a ...
figure it out.
imma gained weight.
i cant see that slim trim in the mirror anymore.
my hairs grown longer THATS THE BEST THING ABT ME.
my eyes are droopy and i get pale most of the time.
im dead tired.
my whole body is gonna collapse.
but i guess everyone is feeling the same as well.
im still sick. its been 2wks now.
no i dont HAVE H1N1.
FUCK YOU!

*sigh*

ive got 2mnths left.
then ive got to pull myself together again.
this is not good.
i forgot how i use to be.
im starting to hate who i am now..

"at times i love you&hate you at the same time, thats just how love is baybeh."

ugrgh! goodnight..
goondddaaabaaaa! :D
just had to say that.

8:45:00 PM

Saturday, November 07, 2009Y

just not meant to be. okay?

wasted a whole day.

went pavilion twice today.

both times.
EXTREMELY BORING.

gOOD night.
:)

11:33:00 PM

i need MY BESTFRIEND.

no not you.
HER.

"im erasing every trace of you from my life.
cos everytime i think of it.
i just get so sad."

i was wrong to call you one of my bestfriends.

10:57:00 AM

lets go back to the day when we were all happy :)

urgh! im sick.sick.sick. :(
i cant seem to get this flu to go..

well, im bored.

cafe world is getting boring though.
had an event in kdu to attend.
but i woke up late.
and it was over.
HAHAHAH

stupid.
hehe

okay imma go.

:D

10:47:00 AM

Monday, November 02, 2009Y

do i give up or do i just keep chasing pavements?

i feel like shit!

HR IS A BITCH!!

im tired. im waiting for him to call me.

so sweet them:)

yeeee! 1yr together i think..
and they are still so sweet :D
hehehehhe

OMG!
yessh! new moon is coming out soon :D
i cant wait! :)
hahahhaha...

im so bored
someone save me please?! :(

10:16:00 PM

Sunday, November 01, 2009Y

i want 19 of these for my birthday :)

SER!ISAAC! CAN CAN?
PLEASE!?
THANKS!!

im one step behind all of you.
im not gonna get married until i forefill what i missed in my life.
dont say i have everything.
i get jealous almost all the time with everything.everyone.
because i didnt experience it for myself.
ive only had all the material things i wanted in life.
but having true friends and staying up till 5am in the morning.
walking into my hse whatever time i like.
going on a spontaneous vacation.. with a credit card or a ATM filled with cash.
yeah..

you had that.
when will it be my turn?

when will i enjoy what you had.

i dont have all the friends in the world.
i dont dance on table tops and get 300 requests on fb the next day.
i dont get to go out freely without supervision.
i dont get to do anything whenever i want too..

everyone talks abt going parties and drinking and going to random places to celebrate moments.
movies.concerts.open hses.

i wish i was asked to go for such.

LUCKY TO ALL OF YOU.
everyday i sit at home. stare blankly at the computer screen
wishing someone would ask me out.
would say they miss me and would like to catch up.
ohwell,..

i was told i was suppose to be taken to the US to work..
Hawaii to be specific.
i really want this to happen.
a whole new life for me..
maybe i would be happier there.

i really want this to happen.
im willing to leave all i have behind to move on.
im under careful watch here.
there are eyes everywhere i go.
atleast i go there.. i can be myself..
i can enjoy what i missed.
i can grow up on my own.
i can learn to be much more independant.

7:29:00 PM

idk.. PMS..

well, im sorta depressed.
collecting old fotos frm everywhere i can find.

I GREW FAT!
my skins gone bad.
i have very dark circles under my eyes.

i dont seem to care abt myself and how i look.
i have lost it.
seriously..

i need to pull what i use to be back together again..
i need to care abt myself more :(

i feel so sad..
other then myself..

i cant do anything without supervision..

i cant say i wanna take lrt here or there..

so sad :(

1:04:00 PM