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Friday, November 27, 2009 @ 9:26:00 PM

urgh! i cant take this..

know what..
YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF EVERYTHING.
YES! IT IS YOUR FAULT!

IM ASHAMED TO CALL U MY "FLESH&BLOOD"
I HAVE TAKEN IN ALL THE BULLSHIT YOU MADE ME DO.
YOU SAID TO ME, RESTRICTED ME, I HAVE HELD IN ALL I FELT FOR YOU.
I BACKED U UP WHEN THEY SAID YOU WERE WRONG.
I HAVE BEEN THERE WHEN U HATED HIM THE MOST..

I HAVE LET YOU STEP ON ME.
I HAVE LET YOU CHILDREN STEP ON ME.


U DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I HAVE PUT ASIDE BECAUSE OF YOU.
BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID TO PISS YOU OFF, AFRAID YOU WILL NOT TALK TO ME.

WHAT THE FUCK I GET!???

NOW IM NOT GONNA DO THAT ANYMORE.
YOU HAVE PUSHED ME ARND TOO MUCH..


WHEN U FEEL TIRED WHO IS THE ONE TAKING CARE OF THE CHILDREN?
WHEN YOU ARE LAZY TO WALK UP WHO IS THE ONE WHO WALKS UP TO MAKE MILK OR CHANGE THEM.?
WHEN YOU ARE GOING OUT WHO IS THE ONE WHO CHEERS THEM UP WHEN THEY CRY?
WHEN YOU COME HOME LATE WHO IS THE ONE HELPING MOM TAKE CARE OF YOUR GOD DAMN CHILDREN?!


ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


THATS ABSOFUCKINLUTLY RITE!
ME!


IM SO SICK OF THIS..
GIVE MY MOM A BREAK.
GIVE MY DAD A BREAK!
WE ARE NOT YOU SERVANTS.
YES YOU WORK BUT ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!!!

I WANT YOU OUT OF MY HSE!
COS YOU ARE JUST MAKING EVERYTHING WORSE!

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!!

YES! I DONT HAVE YOU ANYMORE.
IM THE OLDEST NOW.
I WILL TAKE CARE OF MOM&DAD
I WILL TAKE CARE OF JON TOO...

GET LOST& FUCK OFF!
GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!

IF YOUR HUSBAND IS THE PROBLEM.
HIRE SOMEONE TO TEACH HIM A LESSON.
IF NOT FUCKIN' DIVORCE HIM!
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
URE JUST MAKING IT HARD FOR ALL OF US.

ITS BEEN 2YRS NOW.
GET THE FUCK ON WITH YOUR FUCKED UP FUCKING LIFE!

YOU RUINED MY LIFE.
HIS&HERS&THEIRS..

YOU ARE SO FUCKIN' STOOPID!
DONT TRY TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT.
YOU WONT GET ANYWHERE ANYMORE!

DONT FUCKIN' SAY YOU ARE NOT EMMBARASSED WHEN U SEE URE FRIENDS.
MOST OF URE FRIENDS DONT KNOW URE MARRIED WITH 2 KIDS.
I REMEMBER I SAW THAT EMBARASSMENT IN YOUR FACE WHEN YOU THOUGHT URE FRIEND WOULD BE ARND AND ONE OF YOUR FRIEND SO HAPPEN TO BE THERE...

BUT I STUCK UP FOR YOU AND SAID..
"I DONT MIND TO SAY THOSE ARE MY CHILDREN NOT YOURS."
I WAS WILLING TO HELP YOU.
IM NOT SCARED!

BUT YOU JUST TOOK ME FOR GRANTED
AND THIS IS THE LAST.

I CAN IGNORE YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
FUCK I CARE!

I WISH I CAN SHOW YOU HOW MUCH OF A FRUSTRATION I HAVE.
YEAH MOM & DAD ARE SICK..
BE CAUSE OF YOU! NOT ME.
I DO GO OUT BUT WHEN IM HOME I DO THE BEST I FUCKING CAN OKAY?!
EVERY DAY ID FEEL SO SAD.
I GET JEALOUS OF OTHERS BECAUSE OF YOU.
I LET GO OF MYSELF BECAUSE OF YOU.
EVERYTHING THAT I DONT DO ANYMORE IS BECAUSE OF YOU!!!
EVERYTIME I WISH FOR A BETTER TUMORO.
I WISHED I COULD TURN BACK TIME.
EVEN IF IT MEANS NOT SEEING MY NEPHEWS..
I KNOW I WILL BE SEEING THEM IN THE NEAR FUTURE NOT NOW.
URGH!!! I JUST GOT NOTHING TO SAY ANYMORE.
I LOOK AT YOU IN DISGUST.
WHEN YOU TAKE CARE OF THEM & FALL ASLEEP
WHILE THEY CRY UNTILL THEIR LUNGS CANT TAKE IT.
WHEN YOU DONT CHANGE THEIR DIAPER FOR 6HRS STRAIGHT.
WHEN U CAN LIE THAT U FED THEM BUT DIDNT..
WHEN U WHINE WHEN U DONT WANT TO MAKE THEM MILK.

WTF?! I KNOW U DIDNT ASK FOR THIS
BUT PLS! ITS YOUR RESPONSIBLITY
WORK IT OUT!
WE WONT HELP U FOREVER U KNOW.
SOON IVE GOT TO WORK TOO..

IVE GOT MY OWN LIFE.







I HATE YOU!
back to the top
@ 1:28:00 PM

"try this on straightjacket feeling."



i wan bday cake like this..

or this..


My stupid brother.
FAMILY :)



all i ever thought you'd be.
but today im fine without you.
run away this time without uu..

Im holding on By letting go of you..

its near the end of my training.
end of the yr..

next yr.
its time to Move on..
Grow up..
i guess.

im setting a goal..
i think?
TO QUIT SMOKING AGAIN!
hahahhahaha..

but as u all know.
i cant do it.
hahahaha


eeeesh..
im bored.
thanks god i didnt go last night.
i wasnt in the mood.
i was lazy :)

bye bye .
back to the top
Thursday, November 26, 2009 @ 10:43:00 PM

Pernah Muda- Bunga C. Lestari.




Gingerbread MADNESS!
hehehhehe

im so awake now but yet im very the asleepy hahhaa..

if only eyebags and dark circles were like dirt..
can rub off.
then i wouldnt have much of a problem.

if fats were like butter.
ill stay in the heat till it all melts hahaha.
HAHHA

well, ermm...
hahahhaa nothing mucho though...

NEW MOON IS OUT DY!
I WANNA WATCH ...
yeeeh!

hahahahhaa


ending with..

Kecewa- Bunga C. Lestari
back to the top
Wednesday, November 25, 2009 @ 10:16:00 PM

i never know i needed..



urgh! whats wrong with u ppl?
yeah.. you've got the wrong person..
trying to ruin my relationship isit?
hate me isit??

stop spreading something u dont know
stop saying u saw me!
i wasnt there..
i dont know my seniors!
i dont CHEAT!

why will i hurt someone. cheat on them
when i was hurt and cheated b4.
please.. YEAH YOU DONT KNOW.
YOU DONT KNOW ME
IM NOT A BAD PERSON I DONT DO SO..
i dont let other ppl feel what i felt.
i dont wanna hurt my bestfriend.
becos i LOVE HIM.
okay okay? FUCK OFF.

stop spreading something thats not TRUE!
lie abt me ONCE AGAIN..
ill find you.
ILL CUT U!
FCUKIN' PPL!
GET A LIFE.
thanks.

pfft!


so i need to spend time with my family.
THEY HATE ME FOR WHAT IVE BECOME.
sad..
i want to cry again..

im happy outside.
VERY HAPPY.
but deep inside im hurting.
ALOT!

im so confused!
i dont know what to do?
what do u want me to do?
cool it???

okay FINE.
FOR YOU ILL TELL HIM
TO SEE ME LESS.

IM SORRY.
i will not disobey you anymore.


back to the top
Tuesday, November 24, 2009 @ 12:07:00 AM

"i try to make myself believe,
that planet earth turns slowly.."


heee :DD:DDDD:DDDDDDD

i watched a movie today with
BENNY LEONG.
*GASP!*

hahahhahaa..
yeah, MY BOYFRIEND!
i love you..
stop reading my blog.

phsycoo blogger stalker.. :)

2012..
awesome movie. but scary..

i enjoyed today.
talking abt random things.
laughing..
emoing&laughing.hahahhaa
smoking, drinking tea..
laughing somemore.

havent laughed this hard since.
yest? i think hahaha...

sorry abt my emmoo-ing.
im just a jealous childish 18yr old..
rambling abt unwanted runts.
hahhahaha...

make me happy everyday!
flowers?
chocolates?= FAT! ahahhaha
nono im kidding.


works pretty hectic.

i like shoes, pretty shoes& skinny pants.
i like long shirts& off-shoulder tops.
i like shorts& high waisted skirts.
i like casual dresses..
and i want black colour aviators!
cannot find..
i like kelly's beanie?! hehehehe


SSHOOOOOO FLY DONT BOTHER ME!

i like victoria secret and body shop.

i like strawberries&cream.
:) THANKS GRACE!
hahaha


i like charm braceletts& big ear rings..

i dont wear an "engagement ring,"
so does that make me taken but available?
hahahha NO!
my benny will kill me!


i want my iphone quick !
yeesh!

hahhaa.
sorry im so happy.
i cant contain it.
imma abt to explode...
hahaha



workwork!
christmas cookies& cheese cake.
yuck! im sick of it.

hahahhaa..
i get bullied by the demi chef..
but i bully him back :)
hehhee


okay...
imma sleep now.
this blog is only for private readers.

NATALIA BABY!
IS MY SEXY LIL SIS!
I LOVE HER MUCH!
I MISS HER MUCH!

YEESH!
STOP MESSING WITH HER
CAN?!
THANKS.
back to the top
Sunday, November 22, 2009 @ 8:32:00 PM

i love you, oh thank you.

look at how stupid we weree.
YEEESH!


well, i look at myself now.
i can cry.
but i will never get back what i had.
My heart, My happiness,
My self.
yeah..

im not referring to anything abt love.
BUT the love for myself.
My self respect.
ive lost all touch with myself.
ive lost touch looking in the mirror all day.
saying how much im proud of myself.
how much i adore my looks.
how should i make my hair.
will he love me if i did this?.

how i looked out abt my weight& if i could fit in an S.
i could but now im a M/L
sucks huh?
how i would dress when i go out.
if my nails were painted.
if i had enough eye liner on.
which make up suits my face...

now its whatever.
i eat more then i talk.
i worry more then i can think.
i emo more &i cry every other day.
i laugh less.
i sleep more.

i dont care how i look when i go out.
My eye bags are so dark.
my hairs always in a mess.
my skin has bites& bruises.
my face breaks out in rash&acne.
my lips are white and pale.
i dont care if i shower or no.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?!
it all began in COLLEGE!
worse in TRAINING!

guess my weight now..
??
60++
WTF RIGHT?!

:(:(:(:(:(:(

id tell u in a secret
"when i was in highschool, i use to be suicidal.
id love to cut cut..
then my sister&mom found out.
i got the worst councelling& they placed me under supervision for weeks.."

i stopped that shizz. cos it did make me feel better but
it pulled my self esteem down.
i need self motivation!
i need someone to tell me that they are with me forever.
and HELP ME.


i want to go somewhere random,
the zoo, the beach, the park, the where ever.
somewhere to clear my mind.
some where to make me happy.
somewhere i want to be my self AGAIN.

i think i do wanna take the offer.
im gonna go overseas and never come back.
maybe id be happier there?
i cant take it here.

i hear things in my head.
things that sometimes haunts me.

i stare blank at something.
i forget VERY EASILY.

its so unfair.
i want to cry.
if i could cry everyday.
if that would make me feel better.
i would.
if i could be like you.
if i could be as pretty, skinny& likeable as you.
I WOULD.

its so unfair.
why ARE YOU SO UNFAIR.?

use to look damn funny in primary school onwards.
and i made it a point id do all i can to
be gorgeous.
it came out wth great results.
WHY CANT I DO IT AGAIN?
why cant i starve myself again?
why cant i dress like them?
why cant i look good like them?

urgh!
im sick of this shizz.
i cant take it.
i feel very unwanted.
i feel very sad.
i dont belong here.
i dont belong anywhere.

LEAVE ME ALONE.. PLEASE.
I REALLY WANT TO BE LIKE YOU.





back to the top
Saturday, November 21, 2009 @ 10:53:00 AM



K.will Feat Mc Mong - Love 119 :)


its a saturday morning.
i might be heading out.
maybe to watch movie or just hang out for 1/2 hr..
then go home.
how sad yeah?

Mom is sick.
dad got drunk the lastnight.
fell face first into the road.
so scary!
i just wonder how did he get home??
he has bruises on his face.
elbow& knee.
WTF?!
but im glad he is home safe
:)

how fast the time is going huh?
its near dec already
hahaha..

ive got healthy food to eat now.
strawberries with cream and yoghurt!
YUM!
imma lose 8kgs b4 the end of this yr.


back to the top
Friday, November 20, 2009 @ 9:03:00 PM

Air on G string- Bach..




i really want to be like you.
adored by ppl like you.
said im very pretty&feel very pretty like you.
i want to smile like you.


i wish i was very much like you.

back to the top
biography
information

dunDEE :D
dee♥ I am dEE.I have a much much longer name but I'll leave it as it is for the sake of internet safety measures. I'd like to believe that I am a princess :)
im crazee over colours&dotts.. i'd like to stand on top of the world and scream! im slightly screwed up. but i cry,laugh,eat,sleep like you. im not an ALIEN. but i often wonder how would that be like :) i love my boyfriend♥ Mr. Leong Chun HOO
i daydream alot.. ALOT.
i'm obsessed with anything colourful and unique. Then again, im a UNIQUE individual
i smoke&drink. yeahh.. deal with it!
i can't roll my tongue BUT i can roll my eyes. :)
I am a certified bubble burster to be.
Ways to contact me:
♥ My tagboard? (duh)
♥ Msn
♥ Facebook
♥ tweetweetwitter
so yeah, what more can i say?

boom boom POW!.
affiliates
partners in crime

deniseI deeII dendenIII benny♥ lana sayang♥ serra♥ rhea♥ Melanie justin natalia♥ shireen ilissa♥ jian hao juliana Jacq Jacq's foodblog :) nerissa Ji eun Jon hoe suyin♥ Kaye♥ viven Yik Hoong Charity Candy kelly♥ munnie Yvonne alicia jackson Kennysia Vanessa N.B eleenaI eleenaII angela V.A seng sumaya mirella la bella mafeeya wan hoong bell angelyne wyn
roll the credits
spontaneous applause

Layout: nic96ole
Icons: one; two; three
Reference: one; two; three
Inspiration: one; two
Color codes: here

Best viewed with Firefox/Chrome. A little screwed in IE though.
flashbacks
hard to say goodbye to yesterday

♥ urgh! i cant take this.. know what.. YOU ARE THE ...
♥ "try this on straightjacket feeling." i wan bda...
♥ Pernah Muda- Bunga C. Lestari. Gingerbread MAD...
♥ i never know i needed.. urgh! whats wrong with ...
♥ "i try to make myself believe, that planet earth t...
♥ i love you, oh thank you. look at how stupid we w...
♥ K.will Feat Mc Mong - Love 119 :) its a saturd...
♥ Air on G string- Bach.. i really want to be li...
♥ i want to be like you.. i want to lose weight and...
♥ "nothing else i can say." hey! im back with a ...

reminiscence
walk down memory lane

♥ October 2006
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♥ January 2007
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♥ March 2007
♥ April 2007
♥ May 2007
♥ June 2007
♥ July 2007
♥ August 2007
♥ September 2007
♥ October 2007
♥ November 2007
♥ December 2007
♥ January 2008
♥ February 2008
♥ March 2008
♥ August 2008
♥ September 2008
♥ October 2008
♥ November 2008
♥ December 2008
♥ January 2009
♥ March 2009
♥ May 2009
♥ June 2009
♥ July 2009
♥ August 2009
♥ September 2009
♥ October 2009
♥ November 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009 @ 9:26:00 PM

urgh! i cant take this..

know what..
YOU ARE THE CAUSE OF EVERYTHING.
YES! IT IS YOUR FAULT!

IM ASHAMED TO CALL U MY "FLESH&BLOOD"
I HAVE TAKEN IN ALL THE BULLSHIT YOU MADE ME DO.
YOU SAID TO ME, RESTRICTED ME, I HAVE HELD IN ALL I FELT FOR YOU.
I BACKED U UP WHEN THEY SAID YOU WERE WRONG.
I HAVE BEEN THERE WHEN U HATED HIM THE MOST..

I HAVE LET YOU STEP ON ME.
I HAVE LET YOU CHILDREN STEP ON ME.


U DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I HAVE PUT ASIDE BECAUSE OF YOU.
BECAUSE I WAS AFRAID TO PISS YOU OFF, AFRAID YOU WILL NOT TALK TO ME.

WHAT THE FUCK I GET!???

NOW IM NOT GONNA DO THAT ANYMORE.
YOU HAVE PUSHED ME ARND TOO MUCH..


WHEN U FEEL TIRED WHO IS THE ONE TAKING CARE OF THE CHILDREN?
WHEN YOU ARE LAZY TO WALK UP WHO IS THE ONE WHO WALKS UP TO MAKE MILK OR CHANGE THEM.?
WHEN YOU ARE GOING OUT WHO IS THE ONE WHO CHEERS THEM UP WHEN THEY CRY?
WHEN YOU COME HOME LATE WHO IS THE ONE HELPING MOM TAKE CARE OF YOUR GOD DAMN CHILDREN?!


ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME,
ME,ME,ME,ME,ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


THATS ABSOFUCKINLUTLY RITE!
ME!


IM SO SICK OF THIS..
GIVE MY MOM A BREAK.
GIVE MY DAD A BREAK!
WE ARE NOT YOU SERVANTS.
YES YOU WORK BUT ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!!!

I WANT YOU OUT OF MY HSE!
COS YOU ARE JUST MAKING EVERYTHING WORSE!

I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!!

YES! I DONT HAVE YOU ANYMORE.
IM THE OLDEST NOW.
I WILL TAKE CARE OF MOM&DAD
I WILL TAKE CARE OF JON TOO...

GET LOST& FUCK OFF!
GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!

IF YOUR HUSBAND IS THE PROBLEM.
HIRE SOMEONE TO TEACH HIM A LESSON.
IF NOT FUCKIN' DIVORCE HIM!
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
URE JUST MAKING IT HARD FOR ALL OF US.

ITS BEEN 2YRS NOW.
GET THE FUCK ON WITH YOUR FUCKED UP FUCKING LIFE!

YOU RUINED MY LIFE.
HIS&HERS&THEIRS..

YOU ARE SO FUCKIN' STOOPID!
DONT TRY TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT.
YOU WONT GET ANYWHERE ANYMORE!

DONT FUCKIN' SAY YOU ARE NOT EMMBARASSED WHEN U SEE URE FRIENDS.
MOST OF URE FRIENDS DONT KNOW URE MARRIED WITH 2 KIDS.
I REMEMBER I SAW THAT EMBARASSMENT IN YOUR FACE WHEN YOU THOUGHT URE FRIEND WOULD BE ARND AND ONE OF YOUR FRIEND SO HAPPEN TO BE THERE...

BUT I STUCK UP FOR YOU AND SAID..
"I DONT MIND TO SAY THOSE ARE MY CHILDREN NOT YOURS."
I WAS WILLING TO HELP YOU.
IM NOT SCARED!

BUT YOU JUST TOOK ME FOR GRANTED
AND THIS IS THE LAST.

I CAN IGNORE YOU FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
FUCK I CARE!

I WISH I CAN SHOW YOU HOW MUCH OF A FRUSTRATION I HAVE.
YEAH MOM & DAD ARE SICK..
BE CAUSE OF YOU! NOT ME.
I DO GO OUT BUT WHEN IM HOME I DO THE BEST I FUCKING CAN OKAY?!
EVERY DAY ID FEEL SO SAD.
I GET JEALOUS OF OTHERS BECAUSE OF YOU.
I LET GO OF MYSELF BECAUSE OF YOU.
EVERYTHING THAT I DONT DO ANYMORE IS BECAUSE OF YOU!!!
EVERYTIME I WISH FOR A BETTER TUMORO.
I WISHED I COULD TURN BACK TIME.
EVEN IF IT MEANS NOT SEEING MY NEPHEWS..
I KNOW I WILL BE SEEING THEM IN THE NEAR FUTURE NOT NOW.
URGH!!! I JUST GOT NOTHING TO SAY ANYMORE.
I LOOK AT YOU IN DISGUST.
WHEN YOU TAKE CARE OF THEM & FALL ASLEEP
WHILE THEY CRY UNTILL THEIR LUNGS CANT TAKE IT.
WHEN YOU DONT CHANGE THEIR DIAPER FOR 6HRS STRAIGHT.
WHEN U CAN LIE THAT U FED THEM BUT DIDNT..
WHEN U WHINE WHEN U DONT WANT TO MAKE THEM MILK.

WTF?! I KNOW U DIDNT ASK FOR THIS
BUT PLS! ITS YOUR RESPONSIBLITY
WORK IT OUT!
WE WONT HELP U FOREVER U KNOW.
SOON IVE GOT TO WORK TOO..

IVE GOT MY OWN LIFE.







I HATE YOU!
back to the top
@ 1:28:00 PM

"try this on straightjacket feeling."



i wan bday cake like this..

or this..


My stupid brother.
FAMILY :)



all i ever thought you'd be.
but today im fine without you.
run away this time without uu..

Im holding on By letting go of you..

its near the end of my training.
end of the yr..

next yr.
its time to Move on..
Grow up..
i guess.

im setting a goal..
i think?
TO QUIT SMOKING AGAIN!
hahahhahaha..

but as u all know.
i cant do it.
hahahaha


eeeesh..
im bored.
thanks god i didnt go last night.
i wasnt in the mood.
i was lazy :)

bye bye .
back to the top
Thursday, November 26, 2009 @ 10:43:00 PM

Pernah Muda- Bunga C. Lestari.




Gingerbread MADNESS!
hehehhehe

im so awake now but yet im very the asleepy hahhaa..

if only eyebags and dark circles were like dirt..
can rub off.
then i wouldnt have much of a problem.

if fats were like butter.
ill stay in the heat till it all melts hahaha.
HAHHA

well, ermm...
hahahhaa nothing mucho though...

NEW MOON IS OUT DY!
I WANNA WATCH ...
yeeeh!

hahahahhaa


ending with..

Kecewa- Bunga C. Lestari
back to the top
Wednesday, November 25, 2009 @ 10:16:00 PM

i never know i needed..



urgh! whats wrong with u ppl?
yeah.. you've got the wrong person..
trying to ruin my relationship isit?
hate me isit??

stop spreading something u dont know
stop saying u saw me!
i wasnt there..
i dont know my seniors!
i dont CHEAT!

why will i hurt someone. cheat on them
when i was hurt and cheated b4.
please.. YEAH YOU DONT KNOW.
YOU DONT KNOW ME
IM NOT A BAD PERSON I DONT DO SO..
i dont let other ppl feel what i felt.
i dont wanna hurt my bestfriend.
becos i LOVE HIM.
okay okay? FUCK OFF.

stop spreading something thats not TRUE!
lie abt me ONCE AGAIN..
ill find you.
ILL CUT U!
FCUKIN' PPL!
GET A LIFE.
thanks.

pfft!


so i need to spend time with my family.
THEY HATE ME FOR WHAT IVE BECOME.
sad..
i want to cry again..

im happy outside.
VERY HAPPY.
but deep inside im hurting.
ALOT!

im so confused!
i dont know what to do?
what do u want me to do?
cool it???

okay FINE.
FOR YOU ILL TELL HIM
TO SEE ME LESS.

IM SORRY.
i will not disobey you anymore.


back to the top
Tuesday, November 24, 2009 @ 12:07:00 AM

"i try to make myself believe,
that planet earth turns slowly.."


heee :DD:DDDD:DDDDDDD

i watched a movie today with
BENNY LEONG.
*GASP!*

hahahhahaa..
yeah, MY BOYFRIEND!
i love you..
stop reading my blog.

phsycoo blogger stalker.. :)

2012..
awesome movie. but scary..

i enjoyed today.
talking abt random things.
laughing..
emoing&laughing.hahahhaa
smoking, drinking tea..
laughing somemore.

havent laughed this hard since.
yest? i think hahaha...

sorry abt my emmoo-ing.
im just a jealous childish 18yr old..
rambling abt unwanted runts.
hahhahaha...

make me happy everyday!
flowers?
chocolates?= FAT! ahahhaha
nono im kidding.


works pretty hectic.

i like shoes, pretty shoes& skinny pants.
i like long shirts& off-shoulder tops.
i like shorts& high waisted skirts.
i like casual dresses..
and i want black colour aviators!
cannot find..
i like kelly's beanie?! hehehehe


SSHOOOOOO FLY DONT BOTHER ME!

i like victoria secret and body shop.

i like strawberries&cream.
:) THANKS GRACE!
hahaha


i like charm braceletts& big ear rings..

i dont wear an "engagement ring,"
so does that make me taken but available?
hahahha NO!
my benny will kill me!


i want my iphone quick !
yeesh!

hahhaa.
sorry im so happy.
i cant contain it.
imma abt to explode...
hahaha



workwork!
christmas cookies& cheese cake.
yuck! im sick of it.

hahahhaa..
i get bullied by the demi chef..
but i bully him back :)
hehhee


okay...
imma sleep now.
this blog is only for private readers.

NATALIA BABY!
IS MY SEXY LIL SIS!
I LOVE HER MUCH!
I MISS HER MUCH!

YEESH!
STOP MESSING WITH HER
CAN?!
THANKS.
back to the top
Sunday, November 22, 2009 @ 8:32:00 PM

i love you, oh thank you.

look at how stupid we weree.
YEEESH!


well, i look at myself now.
i can cry.
but i will never get back what i had.
My heart, My happiness,
My self.
yeah..

im not referring to anything abt love.
BUT the love for myself.
My self respect.
ive lost all touch with myself.
ive lost touch looking in the mirror all day.
saying how much im proud of myself.
how much i adore my looks.
how should i make my hair.
will he love me if i did this?.

how i looked out abt my weight& if i could fit in an S.
i could but now im a M/L
sucks huh?
how i would dress when i go out.
if my nails were painted.
if i had enough eye liner on.
which make up suits my face...

now its whatever.
i eat more then i talk.
i worry more then i can think.
i emo more &i cry every other day.
i laugh less.
i sleep more.

i dont care how i look when i go out.
My eye bags are so dark.
my hairs always in a mess.
my skin has bites& bruises.
my face breaks out in rash&acne.
my lips are white and pale.
i dont care if i shower or no.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?!
it all began in COLLEGE!
worse in TRAINING!

guess my weight now..
??
60++
WTF RIGHT?!

:(:(:(:(:(:(

id tell u in a secret
"when i was in highschool, i use to be suicidal.
id love to cut cut..
then my sister&mom found out.
i got the worst councelling& they placed me under supervision for weeks.."

i stopped that shizz. cos it did make me feel better but
it pulled my self esteem down.
i need self motivation!
i need someone to tell me that they are with me forever.
and HELP ME.


i want to go somewhere random,
the zoo, the beach, the park, the where ever.
somewhere to clear my mind.
some where to make me happy.
somewhere i want to be my self AGAIN.

i think i do wanna take the offer.
im gonna go overseas and never come back.
maybe id be happier there?
i cant take it here.

i hear things in my head.
things that sometimes haunts me.

i stare blank at something.
i forget VERY EASILY.

its so unfair.
i want to cry.
if i could cry everyday.
if that would make me feel better.
i would.
if i could be like you.
if i could be as pretty, skinny& likeable as you.
I WOULD.

its so unfair.
why ARE YOU SO UNFAIR.?

use to look damn funny in primary school onwards.
and i made it a point id do all i can to
be gorgeous.
it came out wth great results.
WHY CANT I DO IT AGAIN?
why cant i starve myself again?
why cant i dress like them?
why cant i look good like them?

urgh!
im sick of this shizz.
i cant take it.
i feel very unwanted.
i feel very sad.
i dont belong here.
i dont belong anywhere.

LEAVE ME ALONE.. PLEASE.
I REALLY WANT TO BE LIKE YOU.





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Saturday, November 21, 2009 @ 10:53:00 AM



K.will Feat Mc Mong - Love 119 :)


its a saturday morning.
i might be heading out.
maybe to watch movie or just hang out for 1/2 hr..
then go home.
how sad yeah?

Mom is sick.
dad got drunk the lastnight.
fell face first into the road.
so scary!
i just wonder how did he get home??
he has bruises on his face.
elbow& knee.
WTF?!
but im glad he is home safe
:)

how fast the time is going huh?
its near dec already
hahaha..

ive got healthy food to eat now.
strawberries with cream and yoghurt!
YUM!
imma lose 8kgs b4 the end of this yr.


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Friday, November 20, 2009 @ 9:03:00 PM

Air on G string- Bach..




i really want to be like you.
adored by ppl like you.
said im very pretty&feel very pretty like you.
i want to smile like you.


i wish i was very much like you.

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